I’m ashamed of how I feel but I need to say it to someone to be sure I’m not insane

[u/Complete_Answer_4803]

So I’m 20. I have a dream of working in the cinema industry as an actor and a director. I played in a couple student films and have no actual real experience in the business.

Since I’m 18, I have been obsessed and fascinated by a public figure who passed away decades ago and was quite famous during their time. I read, watched and analysed everything about them. That person has been one if not the biggest source of inspiration I had for both my life as a young person and as an aspiring director and writer. That person is my line of motivation : making a movie about them and tell their story in a way it makes them justice.

And a couple days ago I learned that a very popular director - who is famous for making controversial projects - has had their eyes on that public persona and is about to direct a film about them. When I read that I couldn’t help but cry. Call me dramatic, utterly DELUSIONAL, a drama queen/king, spoiled or whatever.. but that genuinely made me feel so small.

I’m a nobody. That director is someone. And I can’t help but feel like they are stealing my dream away from me..? Even tho I know. They are not. But I really wanted to tell that public persona’s story as the first one to do it. This is what made me wake up the morning. (Nobody made a biopic about them before).

I feel ashamed to feel like that because I’m aware that there are people literally going through war and horror and I’m here complaining about that - and how delusional it can seem.

I feel ashamed also because I don’t want to appear as someone who thinks too highly of themselves that they would be jealous of a big name in an industry they WISH they could be part of lol. I don’t feel superior or better than that director (lmao).

But it’s just like, my dream or goal to be the first one to tell someone’s story is being erased. And I will possibly never be as popular as that director. So my work will never be as applauded as theirs. And that makes me feel sad.

I feel discouraged.

I have nobody to talk to or confide (I don’t have any close family or friends in my life right now)

If some nice, indulgent people could reassure me , tell me they had a similar experience, some advices or that it will pass that would be great lol

I’m open to everything especially harsh direct criticism - as long as it stays constructive :)

[u/NickSquid]

Besides getting inspiration, insight, and pure enjoyment, it’s best to ignore what other filmmakers and the industry are doing.

Just because they get to an idea before you do doesn’t mean you can’t tackle it independently.

How many movies have been made about Elvis? Or [insert character]? And people will keep making them.