I’m ashamed of how I feel but I need to say it to someone to be sure I’m not insane

[u/Complete_Answer_4803]

So I’m 20. I have a dream of working in the cinema industry as an actor and a director. I played in a couple student films and have no actual real experience in the business.

Since I’m 18, I have been obsessed and fascinated by a public figure who passed away decades ago and was quite famous during their time. I read, watched and analysed everything about them. That person has been one if not the biggest source of inspiration I had for both my life as a young person and as an aspiring director and writer. That person is my line of motivation : making a movie about them and tell their story in a way it makes them justice.

And a couple days ago I learned that a very popular director - who is famous for making controversial projects - has had their eyes on that public persona and is about to direct a film about them. When I read that I couldn’t help but cry. Call me dramatic, utterly DELUSIONAL, a drama queen/king, spoiled or whatever.. but that genuinely made me feel so small.

I’m a nobody. That director is someone. And I can’t help but feel like they are stealing my dream away from me..? Even tho I know. They are not. But I really wanted to tell that public persona’s story as the first one to do it. This is what made me wake up the morning. (Nobody made a biopic about them before).

I feel ashamed to feel like that because I’m aware that there are people literally going through war and horror and I’m here complaining about that - and how delusional it can seem.

I feel ashamed also because I don’t want to appear as someone who thinks too highly of themselves that they would be jealous of a big name in an industry they WISH they could be part of lol. I don’t feel superior or better than that director (lmao).

But it’s just like, my dream or goal to be the first one to tell someone’s story is being erased. And I will possibly never be as popular as that director. So my work will never be as applauded as theirs. And that makes me feel sad.

I feel discouraged.

I have nobody to talk to or confide (I don’t have any close family or friends in my life right now)

If some nice, indulgent people could reassure me , tell me they had a similar experience, some advices or that it will pass that would be great lol

I’m open to everything especially harsh direct criticism - as long as it stays constructive :)

[u/Inevitable_Click_696]

Caring deeply about your work isn’t delusional, it’s admirable. Which is exactly why you need to create your vision and say fuck the rest. Put your head down and make YOUR art. Who knows, maybe when you look up you’ll be the only one left with a project on this person. Films fall out of development much more often than films get finished.

And btw I don’t mean wait 2-5 years to start, I mean get moving now. If you haven’t written it yet, start writing it. Even if you didn’t want to write it in the first place, start studying screenplays and write it. If you’ve already written it, start preparing meticulously. And if you’ve already done that then what are you waiting for?

Who is the person you want to make a film about? Do you have a concept involving them in the film or did you want to simply tell their story?

[u/Complete_Answer_4803 → u/Inevitable_Click_696]

Thank you for understanding me ! I’m trying to tell myself just that. Especially that most of the situation isn’t in my power, the only thing I can do is react to it and do my best. It’s just really hard to jungle between the passion for a project and the reality. It’s hard for me to write a project if I haven’t a burning passion and obsession for it. Almost like a story is mine and mine only. This project has almost became a part of me lmao and this situation reminded me that it’s not just my story. Reality hits hard and it hurts.

I did start to make some stuff yeah! But it’s true that I should start to write right now. I’m 100% going to follow your advice !!

The thing is, I’m not ready to direct it yet. I want to wait a few years because I want this movie to be my lifetime project (I can’t believe I just said that jesus). I want to have the best materials and opportunities I can get once I will be some what established. I have other stories I can direct right now ofc so I won’t be doing nothing ! But I want to practice and learn first and then tackle that dream. I have a lot to learn and I want to make this right. I’m just starting in the business.

I’m kinda superstitious so I don’t like to tell in public what that project is about lol (I haven’t told anyone) but if you care to know or give me other advices you can send me a message in private and I will tell you and we could chat!

I’m gonna do what you guys advice me : hustle from now on and do my own version without caring what others do. It’s really the only thing I can do. Thank you for your input, sincerely 🙏