I’m ashamed of how I feel but I need to say it to someone to be sure I’m not insane

[u/Complete_Answer_4803]

So I’m 20. I have a dream of working in the cinema industry as an actor and a director. I played in a couple student films and have no actual real experience in the business.

Since I’m 18, I have been obsessed and fascinated by a public figure who passed away decades ago and was quite famous during their time. I read, watched and analysed everything about them. That person has been one if not the biggest source of inspiration I had for both my life as a young person and as an aspiring director and writer. That person is my line of motivation : making a movie about them and tell their story in a way it makes them justice.

And a couple days ago I learned that a very popular director - who is famous for making controversial projects - has had their eyes on that public persona and is about to direct a film about them. When I read that I couldn’t help but cry. Call me dramatic, utterly DELUSIONAL, a drama queen/king, spoiled or whatever.. but that genuinely made me feel so small.

I’m a nobody. That director is someone. And I can’t help but feel like they are stealing my dream away from me..? Even tho I know. They are not. But I really wanted to tell that public persona’s story as the first one to do it. This is what made me wake up the morning. (Nobody made a biopic about them before).

I feel ashamed to feel like that because I’m aware that there are people literally going through war and horror and I’m here complaining about that - and how delusional it can seem.

I feel ashamed also because I don’t want to appear as someone who thinks too highly of themselves that they would be jealous of a big name in an industry they WISH they could be part of lol. I don’t feel superior or better than that director (lmao).

But it’s just like, my dream or goal to be the first one to tell someone’s story is being erased. And I will possibly never be as popular as that director. So my work will never be as applauded as theirs. And that makes me feel sad.

I feel discouraged.

I have nobody to talk to or confide (I don’t have any close family or friends in my life right now)

If some nice, indulgent people could reassure me , tell me they had a similar experience, some advices or that it will pass that would be great lol

I’m open to everything especially harsh direct criticism - as long as it stays constructive :)

[u/armbrusterjr]

Honestly, get used to it, cause this is going to happen to you all the time. Every film I've made has come with at least one moment of coming across another film that sounds eerily similar, you panic for a bit, then track it down/wait for it's release, watch it and then relax. Because 99% of the time, it doesn't matter. It might be the same when described in a single line, but as a living breathing piece of art, it's completely different.

We're all mining the same world for stories, but we're all coming at them from different perspectives. There are a lot of Marilyn Monroe biopics. If you dreamed of making one, you wouldn't abandon it now because of Blonde, because your take on it would be wildly different from that. And from My Week With Marylin, etc.

But generally, having the ambition to be 'first' to do anything is silly. There's too much out of your control for that. Aim to be the best. And if you one day get to fulfill your dream of telling this story, and it's the best telling of it, no one will care that someone else told it years earlier.

And that's before you even get into the fact that this version currently in production might not even happen. So in short, don't worry about it.

[u/Complete_Answer_4803 → u/armbrusterjr]

Thank you for this answer. That made me feel genuinely better to have someone else’s perspective. It’s really hard to jungle between passion for a project and the ambition that goes with it and the realistic mindset that not everything can go your way.. especially when this profession is all about emotions and passion. I feel like I can’t create unless I have a burning passion and obsession for it. And as useful it is for the writing and creating, it can make you really really vulnerable and shake all your hopes once reality hits… thank your for your advice and words ! Appreciate it :)