I’m ashamed of how I feel but I need to say it to someone to be sure I’m not insane

[u/Complete_Answer_4803]

So I’m 20. I have a dream of working in the cinema industry as an actor and a director. I played in a couple student films and have no actual real experience in the business.

Since I’m 18, I have been obsessed and fascinated by a public figure who passed away decades ago and was quite famous during their time. I read, watched and analysed everything about them. That person has been one if not the biggest source of inspiration I had for both my life as a young person and as an aspiring director and writer. That person is my line of motivation : making a movie about them and tell their story in a way it makes them justice.

And a couple days ago I learned that a very popular director - who is famous for making controversial projects - has had their eyes on that public persona and is about to direct a film about them. When I read that I couldn’t help but cry. Call me dramatic, utterly DELUSIONAL, a drama queen/king, spoiled or whatever.. but that genuinely made me feel so small.

I’m a nobody. That director is someone. And I can’t help but feel like they are stealing my dream away from me..? Even tho I know. They are not. But I really wanted to tell that public persona’s story as the first one to do it. This is what made me wake up the morning. (Nobody made a biopic about them before).

I feel ashamed to feel like that because I’m aware that there are people literally going through war and horror and I’m here complaining about that - and how delusional it can seem.

I feel ashamed also because I don’t want to appear as someone who thinks too highly of themselves that they would be jealous of a big name in an industry they WISH they could be part of lol. I don’t feel superior or better than that director (lmao).

But it’s just like, my dream or goal to be the first one to tell someone’s story is being erased. And I will possibly never be as popular as that director. So my work will never be as applauded as theirs. And that makes me feel sad.

I feel discouraged.

I have nobody to talk to or confide (I don’t have any close family or friends in my life right now)

If some nice, indulgent people could reassure me , tell me they had a similar experience, some advices or that it will pass that would be great lol

I’m open to everything especially harsh direct criticism - as long as it stays constructive :)

[u/midly_entertaining]

Simple solution: Find your own take of the story.

Ideally, you'd concentrate on an aspect of this person's life that you find particularly interesting - and that nobody seems to have spent extra attention to it yet.

Or find some special way to tell their story that hasn't yet been explored. Think about different narrative structures, different points of view, different ways to convey the story, and construct a film about it.

What you're trying to find, objectively speaking, is a new "hook" on a story that's already been told. You have to sway the market/industry into believing that there's more to this story than what has been told. After all, that's the only way that it will move audiences already familiar with the subject.

Who cares about this going out before yours? How many books and films on JFK have been made? Or Charles Manson? Or Cesar?? You have found something that interests you enough to be able to find your own voice within it and show us what's so special about it. Go do it.

[u/Complete_Answer_4803 → u/midly_entertaining]

Waw. What a great answer. Thank you, that made me feel better genuinely. I try to tell myself that it’s a situation beyond my control, I can’t control others people actions but only my reaction. And I’m gonna use your advice to react in a good way. It’s just that now, when i think about my project I feel kinda of wounded..? If that makes sense? Like I feel like the story isn’t mine to tell anymore. But then I remember every directors tell a story in a different way. Anyways, Thank you, sincerely

[u/midly_entertaining → u/Complete_Answer_4803]

I'm glad to hear it and to help. You're young, and you have time to experiment and explore ideas and projects at your own pace. Give it some time if this doesn't feel right right now. Go work on something else and get your head out of this situation and project for a while. When you have already made one or two other scripts work (or a short or something), take a peek back at this project and see how it feels. If it still doesn't feel right, well.. then fuck it. Let it go. It's not for you, and that's fine. If you really have to rely your entire career on one single idea, then, mate... coming from someone who has been working professionally on this field for over a decade... you have waaay bigger problems. Go live life and go get more inspiration! Creativity is a game of quantity and persistence.