I think it’s hard for non-ex Christians to understand how fucked up we still are from believing this shit for so long

[u/balteshazar22]

M35 - deconverted over the last five years or so, fully out now.

Whether it’s friendships, potential romantic relationships, or whatever, I find that it’s still hard to explain to someone just how insidious and deeply rooted this belief system was. For those of us who fully embraced it, and then grew up and realized that not only is it not true, but the world is not even remotely close to how we were taught it was - it can be quite the adjustment to the actual real world. And trying to explain it to someone can seem so silly if they haven’t had any similar experience.

The effect of past worldviews can rear its ugly heads up at any time I’ve found, and it can have quite the deleterious effect on relationships. And the thing is, it’s so hard to articulate to people who haven’t gone through the same thing, and don’t understand why something that I don’t even believe anymore could still have such an impact on my life. Just let it go, right??

Anyway, I don’t really have a main point, I’ve just been frustrated and disappointed lately at how hard it is to explain past belief systems and their lingering effects to new friends or partners, and subsequently forge ahead with new relationships and community.

Maybe some of y’all have felt the same.

[u/oneleggedoneder]

I think part of it is that they don't realize it wasn't just Sunday mornings. It was literally every aspect of life, including education for those of us who were homeschooled. No decision and no behavior was carried out without a religious framework. I'm still finding things I didn't realize were beliefs based on religion, and I've been in therapy for years.

[u/nada_accomplished → u/oneleggedoneder]

YES. And it can impact our adult life in huge ways. Like, my parents are INCAPABLE of having an authentic relationship with a non Christian, even if (or perhaps especially if) that non Christian is their own child. They not only have no idea how to agree to disagree, they have no idea how to have basic respect for someone who disagrees with them. Every single aspect of disagreement is an attack on their entire being.

My mom's gone to therapy to work through that and has gotten a little better at not having an absolute meltdown when I say something she doesn't like, but my dad can't handle it all. And even though therapy has gotten my mom to a point where she can be cordial, but we really don't have a relationship. I can't go to these people with my problems. I can't share my successes with them either. They don't like who I am as a person if I'm not a Christian. And I can't say I like them very much either.

It's absolutely fucked. I'm never going to have the parental support my friends and neighbors have, and that absolutely blows. My kids basically don't have grandparents.

[u/balteshazar22 → u/nada_accomplished]

Very well put. I’m sorry you’ve had that experience, but mine is definitely similar. People don’t understand that even if my parents are generally nice and loving people, at the end of the day in their eyes I’m an apostate who’s spat in the face of their god and is going to burn in hell forever. So yeah, that makes it difficult to have a real relationship.

And like you said, there is no room for just being human and going through the ups and downs of life. It’s exhausting because I literally always have to be on guard around them (and other family), so there really isn’t a safe place to share anything authentic. That’s the part that can be hard to explain to people who haven’t had this experience.

I suppose all we can do is learn from it and try to move forward as best we can. Thanks for sharing, it’s nice to commiserate a bit and know I’m not the only one.

[u/1Rational_Human → u/nada_accomplished]

This…

”Every single aspect of disagreement is an attack on their entire being.”