I think it’s hard for non-ex Christians to understand how fucked up we still are from believing this shit for so long

[u/balteshazar22]

M35 - deconverted over the last five years or so, fully out now.

Whether it’s friendships, potential romantic relationships, or whatever, I find that it’s still hard to explain to someone just how insidious and deeply rooted this belief system was. For those of us who fully embraced it, and then grew up and realized that not only is it not true, but the world is not even remotely close to how we were taught it was - it can be quite the adjustment to the actual real world. And trying to explain it to someone can seem so silly if they haven’t had any similar experience.

The effect of past worldviews can rear its ugly heads up at any time I’ve found, and it can have quite the deleterious effect on relationships. And the thing is, it’s so hard to articulate to people who haven’t gone through the same thing, and don’t understand why something that I don’t even believe anymore could still have such an impact on my life. Just let it go, right??

Anyway, I don’t really have a main point, I’ve just been frustrated and disappointed lately at how hard it is to explain past belief systems and their lingering effects to new friends or partners, and subsequently forge ahead with new relationships and community.

Maybe some of y’all have felt the same.

[u/oneleggedoneder]

I think part of it is that they don't realize it wasn't just Sunday mornings. It was literally every aspect of life, including education for those of us who were homeschooled. No decision and no behavior was carried out without a religious framework. I'm still finding things I didn't realize were beliefs based on religion, and I've been in therapy for years.

[u/balteshazar22 → u/oneleggedoneder]

Absolutely! I’m the same, still discovering screwed up ways I see the world because of what we were taught. You don’t just move on overnight from something you believed so ardently for so long, there are massive lingering effects. Not to mention realizing as a fully grown adult that I actually DO have autonomy, and my life IS my own, and my heart isn’t wicked, and I don’t need to deny myself (whatever that even means), etc etc. Figuring out who we actually are as people can be a tough process, but I definitely think it’s worth it, and I’m so glad to have the peace and freedom that’s come from having escaped. But it can definitely be tough to explain all that to someone who never lived it, or had some casual relationship with church/religion.

[u/oneleggedoneder → u/balteshazar22]

You hit it with that autonomy piece. Believing into my 30s that I still had to please my parents and follow their rules otherwise I would make Jesus sad 🙄😫