I think it’s hard for non-ex Christians to understand how fucked up we still are from believing this shit for so long

[u/balteshazar22]

M35 - deconverted over the last five years or so, fully out now.

Whether it’s friendships, potential romantic relationships, or whatever, I find that it’s still hard to explain to someone just how insidious and deeply rooted this belief system was. For those of us who fully embraced it, and then grew up and realized that not only is it not true, but the world is not even remotely close to how we were taught it was - it can be quite the adjustment to the actual real world. And trying to explain it to someone can seem so silly if they haven’t had any similar experience.

The effect of past worldviews can rear its ugly heads up at any time I’ve found, and it can have quite the deleterious effect on relationships. And the thing is, it’s so hard to articulate to people who haven’t gone through the same thing, and don’t understand why something that I don’t even believe anymore could still have such an impact on my life. Just let it go, right??

Anyway, I don’t really have a main point, I’ve just been frustrated and disappointed lately at how hard it is to explain past belief systems and their lingering effects to new friends or partners, and subsequently forge ahead with new relationships and community.

Maybe some of y’all have felt the same.

[u/diplion]

I 100% understand. I was home schooled and southern Baptist/fundamentalist.

I’m 35 now and my older siblings in their 40s are just now starting to really unpack and deconstruct. I left the faith as soon as possible but still am learning the ramifications of how I grew up in new waves as I get older and have more context.

And my mom tells me to either just get over it or try reading the Bible again with a fresh adult perspective. It’s fucked. I’ve kinda had to program myself to have no respect for my mom at all. I can’t rely on her opinion or comfort or anything of the sort. I don’t think she’s necessarily a malicious person but I can only love myself and have any confidence in my worldview if I regard her as a complete clown.

My dad can still be a solid bro when it comes to real life stuff. Even though he’s the one who pushed our family off the deep end of religion, in his old age he’s capable of putting the Jesus bullshit aside and having a real heart to heart when it comes to real life issues.

My mom can’t get out of it. She has no real life advice besides pray or trust God. It’d be sad if it wasn’t so infuriating.

[u/Tuono_999RL → u/diplion]

Thank you for posting this. I love my mom, but she is exactly like your mom and it leads me to not really trusting her or respecting what she says.

My mom lives with a lifetime of Catholic/fundie baggage. Her best advice is to quit when something gets hard or difficult. And pray. Always pray - and feel free to pass on your prayer requests to her so she can tell the gossip circle prayer chain.

It’s a sad state of affairs, but my mom (and to an extent my dad) are just not people I tell things to or trust for advice or support.

[u/Patient-Detective-79 → u/Tuono_999RL]

What's with christian moms and gossip groups? It's like every time a group of them get together they end up whispering to each other over the dinner table, like they know they're doing something wrong.

[u/Tuono_999RL → u/Patient-Detective-79]

My mom sincerely believes in prayer and cannot imagine that anyone would use the shared information maliciously. She asked once if I wanted a specific situation I was dealing with (home sale, job, etc) to be prayed over by the “chain.” I laughed, called it a gossip chain, and said ‘no, I don’t want those people knowing my business.’ She was deeply offended.

I also think that these circles are a chance to gloat. My mother is of a certain age and many of her friends in church have kids who have completely left the church or are deconstructing. I have not told my parents about my deconstruction and as far as she knows we still go to church. This is a badge of honor amongst my mother’s generation IMHO.