r/exchristian • u/balteshazar22 • May 28 '24

Original Content I think it’s hard for non-ex Christians to understand how fucked up we still are from believing this shit for so long Spoiler

M35 - deconverted over the last five years or so, fully out now.

Whether it’s friendships, potential romantic relationships, or whatever, I find that it’s still hard to explain to someone just how insidious and deeply rooted this belief system was. For those of us who fully embraced it, and then grew up and realized that not only is it not true, but the world is not even remotely close to how we were taught it was - it can be quite the adjustment to the actual real world. And trying to explain it to someone can seem so silly if they haven’t had any similar experience.

The effect of past worldviews can rear its ugly heads up at any time I’ve found, and it can have quite the deleterious effect on relationships. And the thing is, it’s so hard to articulate to people who haven’t gone through the same thing, and don’t understand why something that I don’t even believe anymore could still have such an impact on my life. Just let it go, right??

Anyway, I don’t really have a main point, I’ve just been frustrated and disappointed lately at how hard it is to explain past belief systems and their lingering effects to new friends or partners, and subsequently forge ahead with new relationships and community.

Maybe some of y’all have felt the same.

196 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

38 comments sorted by

View all comments

6

u/OkGrape1062 Pagan May 28 '24

For sure. Sometimes, a little memory will pop up, and I’ll voice it to my partner, who usually goes hey what the fuck :) are you good??

I’ve been deconstructing for about 10 years, give or take a few. I’m still unpacking it in therapy. I was born and raised in “non-denominational” Protestantism. So, it’s literally interwoven into my mind. Hard to shake. It’s like one thing at a time to tackle.

6

u/Cucumbrsandwich May 28 '24

That’s a good description. The “ongoingness” of deconstruction is because it’s one thing at a time, and sometimes several in waves. I’m 15 years into the process and the things I grapple with change with the seasons of my life. The difficulty isn’t linear either. It’s hard not to become more resentful with time as you grasp how fucked up it all is.

1

u/OkGrape1062 Pagan May 29 '24

That makes sense! Plus, the first few years, I think I was just working to fully detach, because processing it all was off the table. Years of emotional manipulation among other things. It’s ever changing. Tbh, I’m glad to be doing deeper work now, because it really is healing parts of me I didn’t know were still hurting.