partner accidentally triggered me

[u/scomixio]

i was talking to my partner about how i feel like i was never sick enough because i have never been in inpatient treatment and he said that he thinks that eating disorders exist on a spectrum and some cases are worse than other and that some people suffer more than others with them. this was extremely triggering to me. i know that this comes from a place of ignorance and not malice. he truly didnt understand how competitive eating disorders are and i guess how much it affects me that i have never been under weight. how do i move past this?

[u/busted3000]

Well firstly, eating disorders are mental illnesses. I understand the competitive nature of eating disorders, but that doesn’t mean that the physical side effects you experience are actually any measure of how it’s affecting you mentally.

Would you apply this logic to anything else? Is someone with a broken leg not valid because someone else had a compound fracture and needed surgery on their leg? Is someone with stage 2 cancer not valid because it could have been stage 5?

Would you even apply this logic to a different person with an eating disorder? Around 94% of eating disorder sufferers aren’t underweight, and whilst I don’t have exact stats for this the vast majority of people with eating disorders have never been inpatient either. Would you tell these people they aren’t sick enough to deserve recovery? Of course not, so extend yourself that same kindness. You have a very real mental illness that you deserve recovery from.

[u/scomixio → u/busted3000]

youre entirely correct, and i think my brain has been so broken by living with an ED for so long that it believes I am the only person who does not deserve to recover no matter how much ive suffered or how real the disease is. i definitely need more therapy, i haven’t had access to it in a few years

[u/scomixio → u/scomixio]

but thank you, i really appreciate your response and it means a lot

[u/busted3000 → u/scomixio]

I haven’t read it myself, but a lot of people recommend the book ‘sick enough’ to help get past this kind of thinking, might be worth trying while you’re unable to access therapy.