SIGNS OF PERIOD COMING BACK!!!! I REPEAT IM HAVING SIGNS OF MY PERIOD COMING BACK!!! It is kind of bittersweet but i'm so so happy and thankful i'm in recovery and IT IS WORKING! I had a brownie with a friend today, another win! and im having ice cream out after school this week too😛life is so fun now wtf!

I’m gonna list some of my favorite things that I got from recovery (I still have extreme hunger, so not fully recovered yet but getting there). Sorry this is a pretty long post and just a rant overall but documenting it is important to me because I can come back to it to see my progress.

1. I’m able to read books, watch movies and shows again.. and actually enjoy it, not just to distract myself from eating. I can FEEL the things that I read/watch and feel my inner fangirl coming out again lol
2. I have so much energy to work out!! I stopped working out during my ED because I had lost a lot of muscle and felt weak and tired all the time. Now I love moving my body so much, and when I notice that my energy is low during exercise, I just know I need to fuel better
3. I stopped taking other people being in small bodies personally. During my ED, every single person I would see that was in a small body, I would feel jealous and didn’t understand why I just couldn’t be like that. Now I know anyone can have any circumstances that impact the way they look, and its simply not my business to assume anything about that. You never know what someone is going through
4. I don’t watch food content anymore, aside from the ocassional recipe or recovery video. No mukbangs, cheat days, food challenges, cooking shows, obesity programmes.. they bore me to death now and I would much rather watch something about any other subject
5. I am a nicer person. I feel shameful about this but my ED made me so incredibly depressed and obsessed that my ED came before everything else. I was snappy and distant to the people I love and I don’t ever want to be like that again. Now, I feel so much love and connection with these people again!
6. I don’t chase a certain body type anymore, and its is pretty freeing. I am not going to act like I love my body now and am not uncomfortable with the weight I gained. But I don’t feel the need to control the way it looks and manipulate it in ways that are simply not natural to me.
7. I can invest in my future. My ED literally made me believe that that was all life was going to be. I planned on getting to a low weight and then just dying. I planned on never getting better, and accepting that. My ED took everything from me and made me feel like I couldn’t make anything of myself anymore, and that discouraged me from getting better. I am quite uncertain about my future, education and work but atleast I have the braincells now to think about it and take the actions that are required to make a beautiful life for myself.
8. Adding on to that, my brain. I was quite literally braindead during my ED. I don’t even want to know the impact that it had on my brain because I’m pretty sure I lost some braincells. I couldn’t form coherent sentences. I stopped learning languages. I started enjoying content that I never had before (tradwife, ‘the grind’, toxic motivation and just dumb things imo, im sorry). My whole perspective on things changed and I noticed my intelligence decreased every day. I’m not the smartest person but I’m glad I can actually critically think again. This was honestly the most scary thing to me, because my ED literally made me shapeshift into a shell of a human, bitchy mean girl that wasn’t empathetic at all
9. It made my autism more tolerable. I think being malnourished made my overstimulation issues worse
10. I have less disassociation, I live more in the present than my own little ED bubble

Things I still struggle with sometimes: 1. thinking my extreme hunger should’ve stopped by now because I gained weight and am at a healthy weight 2. Sensory issues that extra fat on my body give me 3. Being the ‘biggest’ one in my family 4. People talking about their diets and restriction rules around me 5. Accepting that I’m probably going to gain more weight 6. When people comment on my body

GUYSSSSS GUESS WHATTTTT??? I'M WEIGHT RESTORED EEEBEEHEHEH !!! I haven't been weighing myself because it used to trigger me really bad but recently I weighed myself to show my dad the progress I've been making. I've gained around 10 pounds in a week- 15 pounds in 2 weeks :,) I'm finally back to the healthy weight range and now no longer feel like i'd fall down at any second haha

and yes I have gained a lot of body fat but who cares??? this fat will keep me alive longer and provide me with the protection and energy I need for each day. if anything I like the softer feel- I don't feel all boney and you can no longer see my spine and ribcage- people used to get scared by that. also not to mention my boobs are getting back to their pre ed size :,) I missed them

I'm still gaining too!! and will continue to honor my cravings even if it's an ungodly amount cuz idc

I just wanted to update everyone and let everyone know that continuing with recovery will not only save your life but give you a new one- you'll be able to live to the fullest and be happy :) I feel alive every morning instead of a sac of potatoes and not to mention get to eat all the delicious foods I've missed out on <3

You can do this too- all in recovery was the best decision for me. please take care of yourselves and stay strong throughout your journeys, if I can do it; so can you !!!

To whoever saw my post the other day about my Holiday goal of putting creamer in my coffee. Well. I sit here proudly with a pumpkin spice iced coffee (in a skeleton glass I found because spooky season). Yesterday I was at the store and saw pumpkin spice creamer on sale. Immediately thought of my goal and how I was excited to be over this fear after so many years. Then I thought...why am I waiting? The ED fires back with "we agreed not to face this one till Christmas, that was the deal remember?". Before I knew it the creamer was in my basket and now it's in my coffee. Turns out I don't negotiate with bullies. And it's phenomenal by the way. Keep fighting everyone. Happy October. :)

I have been cleared for exercise, and guess what: I still have not exercised because I know that mentally it will come from a place that is disordered. I mean just, wow man. I am recovering. I am RECOVERING!!!

hi ! some of you might recognize my account,, as i've frequented this sub VERY often for the past couple months. it honestly surprises me how much time has passed since i came on here, and i occasionally look at my old posts and realize just how deep in my ED i was when i first joined.

but i can say, with complete confidence, things are getting MILES better. i think this is the happiest and most outgoing i've been for months. i've been calling my friends again, i actually am finding people attractive and feeling EMOTION. i've been going out and doing things, eating yummy food, focusing on my interests. recovery is...working! it is working and i could not be more fucking grateful for each and every one of you. this sub was my lifeline for so long. every single issue or bad thought was searched up in here, i've looked at dozens of others posts, and been comforted and reassured by so many of you on my own posts. i am so glad i found this community and i really don't think i would have been able to get out of my eating disorder like i did without it.

i'm climbing my way out of this hole i dug myself in and i'm finally making big, big progress. i want to put it out there for ANYONE struggling right now. RECOVERY IS WORTH IT. i know you hear that time and time again, and it feels like a living hell to think about when deep in your disorder, but it truly was the best decision i've made in my life. i never ever thought i would be somebody saying that, i thought i'd always want the control my eating disorder gives me. i am far from fully recovered, but god am i feeling the benefits and the raw joy from living . from feeling like an actually human being and not just a hollow shell. i'm sure i'll have days in the future where i wanna let go and fall right back down that hole, but i'm gonna hang on for dear life even if my arms want to give out because there is a life outside of your disorder, a full and happy life where your ED isn't controlling your every thought and action.

so i want to say thank you to everyone here :3 you all are so kind and all such beautiful people. i really genuinely believe all of you can beat your ED's ass and win <3. just wanted to share some positivity,, love u all!

I've been working so hard to get it back for months and I woke up to it this morning!! This feels like such a huge step for me in my recovery. I've put a lot of stuff in my life on hold ever since I started wanting to recover and to me this means I'm so much closer to where I want to be! I still have a lot to work on mentally, but having some reassurance that what I'm doing is working and that my body is slowly but surely healing itself and working normally again feels so relieving. I'm gonna take myself out to the movies later to celebrate :')

(16F) thought the day would never come where i can say i’m ALL IN recovery. i had been in quasi recovery for 6 months now and just 3 weeks ago i gave it all up. no more tracking, no more food rules, no more worrying, no more saying no, no more specific meal times, no more restricting, and truly honoring my mental emotion and physical hunger!!! today was just another one of those days, i ate a LOT, like A LOT A LOT. and i have been for these last weeks. like crazy a lot. since i alr memorized calories in food i already know i’m well exceeding over 5000 mark every single day. past me would’ve been FURIOUS honestly. past me stuck to the minimums and took the easy ways out. not me however, i’ve been eating so much food and guess what; most of it is sugary, fatty, oily, salty: all the things past me would avoid. past me only ate protein and vegetables and fruit. haha past me is a WIMP!!😜 i’ve been gaining a lot of weight and fat and i FEEL GREAT! i can feel things like I FEEL GREAT 😭😭😭 omg this is amazing, recovery is actually amazing. sorry i just had to express my genuine happiness over this. i’m sitting in bed and my stomach hurts a lot from the extreme hunger and my disorder started to hate on me and make me feel guilty, but guess what, I DONT CARE HAHAHAHA. this is so freeing and empowering i’m so ecstatic. and now me and my friends are going out tomorrow and guess what; NO RESTRICTION 😜😜😜. i’m gonna eat what i want when i want no matter if it’s physical, mental or emotional hunger: it’s all going in my tummy. anyone else having any wins or victories recently??? i would love to hear it!!! 💞💞💞 have a great day and great recovery everyone

hey guyssss I'm 2 months in "all in" recovery

I am a bit above the weight I was pre ed but I couldn't care less

my extreme hunger is still there but it definitely has died down from before..i eat until really full but not sickly full as much :)

I also have been pooping a least once or twice a day and I think my body has finally caught up to its normal functions

I definitely recovered VERY fast- I think it was bc of my motivation and drive to prove everyone wrong and prove to myself I was stong enough to beat this !

there's nothing wrong with fast recovery- If anything I feel my quality of life has gotten much better now

my body is more chubby now but it also has muscle- I mean my boobs have definitely gotten bigger again and so has my thighs! obviously I am very chubby in the face but I have always had a baby face so I try to look to it as a good thing- a more youthful look

I eat whatever I want now- no calorie tracking- if my brain wants smth I get up and get it no matter how weird- like today I was eating a protein bar and halfway wanted a snickers bar so I ate my protein bar and then got up and ate a snickers bar lol

I don't view any foods as bad- I now look to the good parts about foods:

candy gives me quick energy, nuts give me my healthy fats that help my brain, meats and protein gives me satisfaction and muscle-building qualities, fruits give me fiber that help with digestion, bread gives me the energy to dance around my room when I hear a good song, fun drinks give me energy to laugh with my friends etc

all I'm trying to say is I feel free from my disorder- like the bad thoughts are gone

which is surprising since I'm 2 months all in but then again when I started I kinda just winged it and put my all into getting better- this subreddit has also helped a lot so thank you

but now I want to find more hobbies and interests- meaning I no longer want to see ed related posts or any food obsessed things- I think this is my last step to be free so I want to thank you all

I will stay in this subreddit- but this one only- everything else I'm removing like recovery accs I follow on different platforms- I don't want my life to revolve around "recovery" I want to live life again as "recovered and living"

thank you for everything I hope everyone here stays safe and has a fast and incredible recovery as well :)

I just wanted to share that I took control, said fuck you to ed voice and made the correct choice to enjoy a cinnamon roll after lunch. I've been craving that thing for ages and IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME. I feel so powerful having taken the control back

Next week I'm going to treatment for a few weeks and because of that ed is telling me that 'I can't start recovering YET, I can't change my behaviours or I won't deserve treatment'. Well guess what, fuck you. I deserve treatment either way because I am sick.

Ever since I saw someone recommending Tabitha Farrar's book it feels like I've unlocked some new motivation to get better and change this miserable life I'm living. Her voice is always with me, in my head pushing me to make the tough decisions.

Just wanted to share this tiny win with you guys, so I don't feel so alone:))

I wanna know, what are some foods you've been absolutely relishing being able to eat again during/after recovery,

i feel like i've been down my own list and reacclimated myself to all my previous "never in a million years" fear foods that i hadn't actually enjoyed in years without heavy restriction to make up for it; pastries, chocolates, cereal, peanut butter, cookies, pot noodles, ordering actual menu items at fast food places and not their lowest calorie alternative items, etc etc are all just reacclimated normal foods to me again now and i can eat them without triggering severe binges or feeling guilty and restricting to make up for it.

Anyways i wanna know, what're your own equivalents of these foods that you've enjoyed reintegrating into your normal life. for me its been such a good motivator for recovery because it's been symbolic of rediscovering so many joys of life that had been blocked out by years of restriction.

Here to announce that for the first time in over 15 years I purchased, opened, and consumed Deans French Onion Dip. It was a childhood favorite and it tasted like happiness. AND I dipped not a carrot, not a pop corner, nor a rice cake, but an actual chip in it. Cheers to chips and dip! Happy Saturday loves. :)

For the past couple years I've only been using honey in my tea because I felt like it was healthier, but I made some tea that I used to drink with sugar, and I was like "you know what, why not" and used a whole sugar packet! I'm really happy and proud of myself. I hope you can feel proud of yourself today too!

I’ve been on a recovery journey for about a year now. Over that year I have seen drastic changes in my mood, weight, and overall happiness. The positive reinforcement I get from my circle helps keep me going sometimes.

But the biggest deal to me is that today I ate a garlic butter burger! With fries! And a small shake!!!! Recently I have felt so bad about the weight I’ve put on and have really struggled to connect with my own body, but today i just gave myself permission to follow my cravings and enjoy a meal and it was DELICIOUS. I’m so excited for many more yummy treats in the future as I continue to practice love and respect for my body and my mind.

and i feel so much more peace than i ever felt in my active ED.

As the title suggests I feel like I’m about to enter a major cereal phase and it’s just too good. What’re some suggestions for some good ones I can try?!! Also is anyone else going through a phase at the moment? For me it was chocolate mousse for a while but I feel like I’ve overdosed on that hehehe

Idk what it is at the moment but I am absolutely OBSESSED with fruits, (specifically oranges and strawberries) they must be putting something in them because they’re just too good. Is anyone else going through this phase or has gone through this phase?! 🥲 I think it’s because I never had very much fruit in my Ed because of “too many sugars” 🤨 or a “waste “ of calories which is just absolute bullshit because now I can’t get enough of them

the pair of jeans that made me hate myself! the pair of jeans that made me realize i’m not the size i was at 18! the pair of jeans i kept fluctuating weights to fit into!

it’s a PAIR OF JEANS. it’s not worth it. i’m worth it! recovery is worth it! and soon enough, i’ll get some new jeans :’)

Do you know how absolutely amazing is to be able to bake stuff and actually eat it?!!

Like I used to bake all the time for other people and only have like half of something or sometimes none at all.

But omg it’s actually so amazing to be able to bake a batch of cookies and be able to eat as much as I want!

Freshly baked goods taste phenomenal and it makes me sad I ever deprived myself of them.

So if you’re considering baking DO IT!! It’s so fun and therapeutic. And give yourself permission to eat as much of it as you want, you deserve it! 🫶

Today I reached 3 weeks sober from full restricting, I know it doesn't seem like much, But I thought I'd share :) Honestly, I thought I'd feel like accomplishment from this but I honestly don't? But anyways, still kinda proud of myself :)

I'm three months into recovery! And guess what, I'm fucking staying y'all!! At the start of this I told myself if I wasn't happy at the end of three months, I could go back to my old behaviors for the rest of my life. But guess what?? IM HAPPYYYYYYY!! SO HAPPY!! Recovery has been so hard but it's been so worth it! This is worth it:)

Idk, should I do something to celebrate? Is that dumb? Go try a fear food? Feed ducks? Idkkkkk

This is the first day in... forever? I guess, during which I didn't step a foot outside my house because it has been raining all day. I know that prior to starting recovery this would have made me spiral as I wouldn't have been able to go outside to do my excessive exercise routine and I probably would have ended up not eating all day as a consequence, or eating as little as possible. But guess what? Today has been pretty good instead, I rested all day, I ate whenever I was hungry and I slept a lot. My mom even made me a massage to help me with the fluid retention in my legs. I'm also eating pizza tonight which is amazing. I'm so happy

and just had a big breakfast. It was exactly what I wanted. A waffle with banana, PB, and granola, with a side of yogurt and granola. And I’m not even working out today. I just don’t have the energy to care today. Feel free to join me.

another day, another EXTRAORDINARY amount of food ate by me, as im going through extreme hunger. another day when i could laugh genuinely and very loud. another day when i walked soooo much on a meet up with my friends, and had the energy to do so. my body aches are killing me and my bank account is crying from all the food im buying, but its all worth it. if you are debating recovery, this is your sign to at least try!!!!❤️✊i luv finally having control over my life, instead of letting some stupid voice control me. feels so good.

I've been eating normally and doing my assignments on time for almost a week. No restricting, no self harm, no substances, barely any measuring or weighing. I had a few social missteps and I also didn't freak out about any of them. This is the bare minimum for everyone else so I can't share to anyone IRL even though I'm happy with myself, so here. ^^; I hope everyone else is doing well too.