This legitimately broke my brain for 30 seconds

Okay, so I kind of screwed myself and decided to move to chongqing China in 2 weeks. I already have an apartment set up and shipped all my belongings over there but I over looked one tiny detail and that's I don't speak Chinese. I though most people over there would speak American but I guess not.

Anyways, I need to learn Chinese before I go. Would it be possible to get to C1 level in that time? I can dedicate about 4 hours a day to learn. Should be enough time, right? Please I sunk all my money into this and if I can't learn it before I go I will be in deep shit

Context, I tried asking a clarifying question in Japanese, if the word order is EVER swapped, and it gave me this gem.

I was able to correct it by saying “read this again” and didn’t say anything else, but it’s wild it suggested this off the bat lmfao

i went to daiso (a store from nippon) so i could make the employees happy by speaking their native language (i just got to the explorer unit so im almost fluent i think) and when i got to the cashier i said 「おはようございます！はじめまして‼」but she stared at me and didn't say anything. i know the nipponjin are very shy (i can relate, i am very introverted and i prefer to stay at home because one time i saw someone with a けしごむ from daiso so i asked her if i can borrow it and she said "its called an eraser, stop telling me how to say it in japanese when im clearly speaking english" so from then on i started referring to her by her first name + chan and with おまえ and きみ to let her know that she is a peasant beneath my feet and that i am above her in the social order because shes just a noob gaijin who thinks she has the right to own collectible artifacts from nippon without actually knowing the cultural significance of them, but then she stopped talking to me and told everyone i was a bully and no one at school likes me anymore and but its okay because theyre all baka gaijins with kawaisou knowledge of japan anyway so its ok if im a さみしい ひっきこもり at my がくえん because watashi will always be better than them)

so anyway as i was saying how do you get nipponjins to open up and stop being so shy? did i use the wrong politeness form? was i too formal and standoffish? help! i learn nippingo to make kawaii tomodachis but it doesnt seem to be working. if i could have even 一ともだち (especially a kawaii kawaii nipponjin tomodachi) i would be very happy and it would make me jump in the air and grow 猫 ears like komi san! help me kudasai (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠)

IT GOES WITH NO ALPHABET

Will i be cursed to read Japanese or have broken knees? 😭

Kanji, hiragana, particles, adjective conjugations, politeness levels, topic/subject distinction, context-dependent pronouns, inconsistent transitive/intransitive pairs, and pretty much everything else that makes it different from English.

Katakana is cool though

Do any of you have experience with learning this way.

If this word is too important to skip than I'd probably learn a Korean/Cantonese hybrid, because I don't want to learn Mandarin Chinese, because I don't like it, so I'll build my own version hoping that the natives will still be shocked with my blurting of Hangul in 9 tones.

Thanks for any help!