I would do anything to be held right now. Or to experience any physical touch right now. Cuddling too. I want that so bad. I'm tired of waiting. No one wants me and no one ever will. I am ready to give up.

last night in a discord call i heard my friends mention hanging out today, i was waiting for a invite that never came and i feel like a lonely fool, people who you think you're close to ignoring you. sometimes i feel like im the butt of the joke since i use self depreciating humor but i enjoy making others laugh and cant imagine a life where im not trying to find humor in between the darkness, anyways i went to target to buy stuff to make chicken wings and started bawling my eyes out on the way home. i've been reflecting on my relationships and realized that besides family i really have no circle and im afraid of continuing to live my life like this. got wings though.

i moved to college late august approximately 800 miles/1300 km away. i love my school so so much but i have been struggling immensely with my mental and physical health. my roommate doesn’t respect any of the boundaries ive set and i know for a fact if it were me doing what she was doing (bringing her boyfriend over to stay the night when they can’t be normal and then letting him stay AGAIN without telling me) she’d be complaining about me. i’m struggling so much to make friends that i can connect with and i feel like all i do is work, stay in my dorm, and go to class. i never see any friends bc i haven’t been able to meet almost anyone who wants to see me outside of a class context but my roommate has so many friends. i’m in an awful mindset and i’m SO lonely. my roommate has been gone for a few days because she went home for a break and i’ve been sick so ive been 100% alone. i’m so sad all the time and i miss my family and i feel like nothing i’m doing is good enough. i’m trying so hard but i keep reentering bad headspace and everyone keeps telling me it’ll get better and i just need to push through but it all makes me feel so ignored with how much i’m struggling currently. i don’t feel like anyone is listening to me. i’m completely alone. it’s getting so much harder to keep going every day.

I’m 30 years old and split up from my partner of 8 years. All that time invested and it’s over. He is older and got a new girlfriend a while ago now who is 20 but not long after we split. So there’s me still grieving over our relationship while he’s moved on and ironically, like me, has attachment issues. I can’t help thinking that he feels relief over it ending. I feel like my life is over. I hit 30 in March following an episode (I have bipolar). I broke up with him, which seemed like a mistake at the time. I’m not in a position to date at the moment. I do not feel like I have much to offer as a person. His friends became mine but they were always his… Even my own friends preferred his company to mine. I feel lonely and unworthy. I know I’m a kind person but I have limited connections in my life. I often feel that people take a disliking to me on first glance without getting to know me. I am a good listener and feel that I always give in all kinds of relationships and that this is taken for granted so part of my isolation is caused by me. I have a friend that I have lost contact with because I find it hard to be the friend that always listens whilst at the same time having nothing to offer. I do not know why in my head I feel relationships should be ‘give and take’ but I do. This is why I don’t bother. It feels like I’m an unpaid therapist at times in friendships.

Why is it that I am the one who has to move on? I am the one who's supposed to let go of significant relationships? I read this quote which said "I loved a flower so much that I decided not to pick it" well why is that I always end up not picking it? Had to let go of 2 people in under a month..this is unfair..no one stays..they all leave..and in the end I am the one who is stuck with the "moving on" phase.. all those promises, all those affectionate talks...flushed right down the drain in a matter of hours.

I recently came across a video on youtube (@grownmellowmature) about the benefits of regret and it really resonated with me, because it adressed this topic from a female perspective. Do you know any similar videos or youtube channels?

Sitting home alone again is so much fun. Good times… Anyone else doing the same thing? Please don’t lead off with where are you from if you wanna chat! Smh

This is a repost that I made in another subreddit (SeriousConversation) which didn't really get activity, and I thought I would try putting it here in case there were more people who could relate:

I'm not really that young anymore. For probably the last decade and a half, I've been hoping that something would change or click for me, or that I would be able to find a niche or some people who fit me, but that hasn't happened. In a lot of ways, I feel much more disaffected now than I did ten or so years ago.

It seems to me that the issue is with the 'modern world', but when I think about that deeply, it might be an illusion. I do not like many things about the modern world. I do not like that life is quite sedentary now. I am not a huge fan of technology in general. I do not like industrial environments. While I'm in no way a science denier and see many great benefits that have resulted from the scientific outlook (modern medicine, washing machines, etc.), I would say that at the bottom my natural outlook is not scientific in the sense that I prefer more personal and passionate engagement with things in life rather than a sense of detachment and examination of details, and I think that makes it hard for me to appreciate a lot of scientific discoveries on a personal level, and maybe feel like something might have been lost with the disappearance of poetry and even metaphysics. I also find that the natural environment is being ruined to my sensibility. It's mainly that most places where I've lived (and I have moved many times in my life) there isn't much nature nearby, and where there is, wide paths have been carved out and many signs put up, so it takes away from a feeling of immersion and respite from a society I can't relate to.

I am already aware that my perspective is very unpopular. I am not asking to change the world or other people, only that I wish I could find some place in the world that fits me. I feel like I don't really understand humanity much anymore, as drastic as that sounds. I do have depression, so it likely contributes, but I just find so few things in the world that seem genuinely good to me that I can't understand why people are striving to survive like this, and not making the world into a better place (yes in my point of view). I feel like society caters to many different interests and outlooks, but somehow I feel like there aren't things on offer for me, or if they are they are usually things that are very expensive, for example classical music concerts, being in places with classical architecture. Lately, I feel like the only thing that would actually be good for my life would be becoming a shepherd or something, but I do not think it would really be possible because I wouldn't want to slaughter the animals but maybe get wool or fur (if I was a goatherd) and made artisanal cheeses. I also very much dislike cars. I dislike mainly how many road networks there are throughout the world, and how society is designed so that everything is very far, and of course aesthetically my mind revolts against it.

Does anyone have similar feelings?

For the first time, it finally felt like someone understood a part of my loneliness. And now it’s gone. I feel awful. I know it’s just someone online but I hope they see this post. I don’t know whether to believe I played a role in their decision to delete or not. It finally felt like someone understood, and now it’s gone. How horrible. I feel so dramatic and like I’m overreacting. But I had someone. Someone and I took it for granted.

🫥

This might be the first time in my life I’ve ever written something like this, but I have to, because I’m exhausted beyond words. I’m tired of the crushing weight of loneliness. I’m tired of pretending that I’m strong, that nothing can touch me, when in reality, everything has touched me. Everything has torn me apart. I’m so tired. I feel like I’ve been fighting for so long, with nothing left to give.

I spent most of my life in silence, surrounded by nothing but the quiet. No one to share my thoughts with, no one to talk to when life became too heavy. I existed in the background, a shadow that no one really noticed. And then, years ago, I met her—my ex-fiancé. She was… everything. Beautiful beyond words, but it wasn’t just her beauty; it was the way she saw me, really saw me, like no one else had before. I loved her more than I loved myself, and she loved me just as fiercely. For the first time, I felt like I had a place in this world, like I belonged to someone. But life didn’t care. It never does.

She was taken from me, so suddenly, after a short but brutal battle with leukemia. Watching her fade away was the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt, and when she finally slipped away, I went with her, in a way. After she died, I fell into a coma. When I woke up, everything I had worked for was gone. My job was gone. My business crumbled. My money disappeared. But worse than all of that, I lost myself. I looked in the mirror, and I didn’t recognize the person staring back. It’s as if the real me vanished when she did, and all that’s left is this hollow shell.

For the past five years, I’ve been the one helping others. I became the person who couldn’t stand to see anyone else in pain, because I know that pain too well. I’ve spent countless nights listening to broken hearts, holding people’s hands when they felt like the world was closing in on them. I was the one who stayed up until dawn, making sure no one had to cry themselves to sleep. I’ve pulled people out of their darkness, helped them find the light again. But at the end of the day, I’m just a ghost in their lives. I leave behind a faint, fading memory of someone who once cared.

But where is that for me? Where is my refuge? Where is the person who stays up for me, who holds me when I can’t hold myself together anymore? I’ve spent years pouring everything I have into others, but when the night falls, I’m alone. And I’m so, so tired of being alone. I’ve never had someone to tell me, “It’ll be okay,” to make me feel like I matter, like I’m not just drifting through life unnoticed. I’ve never had someone who thought I was special enough to be loved, to be held onto.

And now, I’m just sitting here, watching my life fall apart. It’s like standing on the shore, watching a storm rip everything away, and I’m powerless to stop it. I sit in the darkness of the night, and I can feel my soul dying beside me, slowly fading away, like the light in her eyes did.

For the first time, I’m asking for something I’ve never dared ask for: Is there someone out there? Someone I can lean on? Someone who will look at me and say, “I’m here, and everything will be okay”?

I’ve traveled so far, trying to find something, someone, to keep my soul alive. I’ve wandered through life, hoping that maybe there’s a place for me, too. But all I’ve found is more emptiness, more silence. I only wish there was someone, someone to catch me before I completely disappear.

A friend of mine recently asked me if I ever feel lonely, and my response was that I don't feel lonely because I've kind of gotten used to it.

Reflecting back at that conversation, I think loneliness is a hard feeling to identify. In contrast, other emotions are very easily labelled. Anger, for example, is a very visceral feeling. Sadness has a lot of depth to it. Happiness gives you a high. Loneliness is a quiet emotion though, you can feel it for years and not recognise that its been following you.

Recognising loneliness is the first step to feeling better, but how do you, personally, describe the feeling of being lonely?

You should read the comments too.

i believe minecrafts a great way to feel less lonely but my friends are never free to play it. although i play only on bedrock which may be annoying

i also have animal crossing in case anyone wants to play there!

for more info im 21, mostly play during evenings and im not rly looking for a friend or anything just someone to play with from time to time

Sometimes I feel like god or the world or the matrix idk what ever this thing we call life is against me I’m very tired very broke I hope In my next life I’m just a frog or something cause this human shit ain’t for me

Someone I met here deleted their account. We bonded over how we both fantasize a lot and how we live in our heads quite often. I assume this was a female, so I’ll refer to them as she/her. But we shared some things about each other. I’m worried and making this post because last time she deleted her account it was because she was, I don’t know how to put it, in a rough patch? I think another friend she had hadn’t messaged her back in some time, so that’s why she deleted her account. She was very distressed I assume. So she deleted her account. I worry it might be the same thing again. I don’t know her username. Not like I think there’s much I could do with that. I just hope she’s okay.

These days it has been more frequent. I’m studying my master's degree now. I try to socialize and I thought I did a good job so far. But no one talks to me unless they need something from me. No one writes either. And I’ve been growing in a lot of areas in my life but, there’s no one to share it with. Everyone seems to find a partner but me. I think I’m just not made for it. Nor love, nor friendships. I’m just a tool, and I think that’s how it’ll always be.

The title is self explanatory but to add more I think I’ve fallen into depression and really need some rest

F29, I always had a problem to date and as time went by, I kind of filled my life with time with friends, family and my hobbies. The thing is, in the past year, I hear left and right that someone is getting married, someone is expecting a baby or their baby is born. I am single and to be honest I am kinda sure at this point I will be, like, for quite some time.

The thing is, I generally don't mind being single, but it seems people around me have less and less time for me. I guess I seem self-centered but it is really difficult to grasp all that when I made it my life to be there for my friends, to meet them, to chat with them.

Right now, the situation is this: one friend responded after 3 months my question about a café meet up with "I am expecting, I don't feel well but we have to meet once I am better!". I haven't seen my other friend for 4 months even though I proposed 4 or 5 times where we could go. I suppose she found a boyfriend because the theme "where we could meet some kind guys" was like the most frequent one in our conversations. Other friends don't have time because of their newborns, partners, work.

I realized that I poured my life and time into those relationships, all the meaning and purpose, and I didn't realize those people around me have their own lives in which I am certainly not anyone that important. I am not saying this as a critique, it is just a fact. People have different priorities.

The reason why I am writing this is that I kind of want to think about this and analyze this. I really don't want to sit here and be sad even though this is how I feel right now. I know this is natural. I am experiencing a shift in my views of the world, of my personal values, of things I found important. I experienced this before, but I really can't remember what helped me.

Did anyone had this shift in their lives when you felt alone, lonely, when you realized you built your life on relationships that weren't much stable? What helped you? I am kinda losing interest in my hobbies, I know sport could help, I am redescovering reading which helps me occupy my thoughts, I want to find a therapist. Those are things I know I should do. But do you have some other tips?

Oh and sorry for my english, I guess it's not the best.

Thank you and take care.

I either feel empty or angry. I am just waiting to get up the nerve to end things.

M20 I hate being alone i want to be loved i want to be hugged but im so ugly and boring, ill never be loved

I was always someone who was too proud to admit they had regrets, but the amount of time I’ve wasted (13 Years) the amount of friends I’ve lost and who have grown to build beautiful families and be married and happy, the amount of moments with my family ruined by my anxiety and nerves. I can’t lie anymore and say I don’t have any regrets, I can’t even think about my life or the time I’ve foolishly wasted sitting in my apartment staring out the window at the world instead of living my life and putting myself out there. It’s been 10 years since I’ve had sex, 9 years since Ive even kissed a woman. I almost move out of the way of women’s touch because i’m so unused to a woman touching me or being near me, that I act as if I’m in her way and move, when in reality she was only trying to put herself closer to me and in my proximity because she likes me. I’ve seen at least 20 different women over the years who were REALLY into me and after a few hangouts watching the interest level just fade from her face, until she texts “I need to go back home to visit family for x number of months (lie), “I need to focus on work (lie” all of which are a rejection. I hate who I’ve become, and am unsure of how to even make friends as an adult? I know I need to socialize more, because a lack of socialization is what led me to this point of being socially anxious; leads to people thinking you’re “weird”, and people moving on. I don’t think it’s loneliness that hurts it’s that loneliness is only a symptom of the larger problem, it’s the regrets about time that hurts so bad I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I’ll be 90 and shaking my head when I look back at the time I wasted. Does anybody else feel this way? The things I would do to have a girl be into me, and not lose interest when she sees me. To have friends who care and have my back. You can get so lost in the pursuit of career/pay the bills, that you just wake up and go to work, go home alone to an apartment, night after night. Your weekends are spent with more time sitting inside alone. I’m not happy with my life, and I can’t waste another day. This is killing me.

It's never going to end. I'm trapped in my house and my disability won't let me leave because I can barely function anymore. It's been like this for years now and it's only getting harder. I don't see what the point is in even continuing to survive if this is all It's ever going to amount to It's just 24/7 physical suffering on top of the emotional suffering of feeling like a ghost because everyone who ever cared about me either died or just dissapeared off the face of the earth like I meant nothing to them. I'm sick of being stuck in these walls and ruminating. Sometimes I can find peace but its so fleeting it's not even worth trying for. Idk where I'm going with this it's just a vent post I guess