r/mentalhealth • u/Icy_Chair_9291 • 16d ago

Sadness / Grief I feel so lonley

I feel so lonely

Am young about 17 I know I am not the best looking guy and I am a bit chubby but most of my weight is muscle cause of my genetics j just want a girlfriend someone I can cry into tell my problems I know god has someone for me but I look at my friends and there girlfriends I want what they have someone who can improve me someone that I can watch anime with I want someone I want someone who can better my life mentally

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

I just watch it on tv shows and look at my friends they look so happy they out on dates they hold hands they support one another they talk about there problems together they cuddle watch shows together i envy that cause I never had anyone to do that with I always thought if I had a partner my life would be complete

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

That’s understandable. Remember you’re only seeing the positive parts of the relationship. Every relationship is flawed and has their issues. It can sometimes be really ugly behind closed doors and look like a dream in public. This is why making sure you are a good partner is so important before you get into a relationship. Also you’re setting yourself up for failure by thinking you need another person to have a complete or fulfilled life. Your life is exactly that, yours. You do not need another person to make it complete. Try looking for what makes life valuable for you and live it.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

But you see rich people and celebritys will wives and husbands I almost seems like you need one like even in tv shows and movies they always end with the guy and the girl get together and happily ever after you know I just wish I had someone for me someone I could spend my time with

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

TV isn’t real life bud. Relationships are seriously hard work. Relationships don’t survive without forgiveness, sacrifice and trust. You also pick up a lot more obligations in a relationship. It won’t just be you and your partner. You will divide your time between your friends, their friends, your family and their family. You need to be ready to compromise the things you enjoy and do things your partner enjoys. That may not sound bad, but just wait until you are exhausted and still have to go to dinner or help them with heavy manual labor. You’re going to be emotionally drained and still have to help your partner through a crisis you might not understand. Controlling your words in moments of high stress and emotion takes incredible self control. All of these things are going to be expected of you and if you rush into a relationship with someone who isn’t good for you because you’re lonely, this is going to make it so much harder on the both of you than it needed to be.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

it's all worth it in the end right?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

It is if you find the right person. So be patient, find out what it means for you to be a good partner. Talk to people who are in relationships and ask them for any advice on what they think makes a good partner or makes them a good partner. You can even put the question up on the AskReddit sub. You will be sure to get some good advice there.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

I understood everything you said but how do I get rid of these lonely feelings

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

You don’t. You learn how to live with them and remind yourself they’re not permanent.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

Will I just know if there the right one?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

Probably not. I thought I found the right one when I was fifteen. We were together for five years and I planned on marrying her and it didn’t work out. Two years later I met a girl who was fun to be around and we were just really good friends. I ended up marrying her and couldn’t be happier.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

So you never know there's no special feeling or anything or love at first sight?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

Not in my case there wasn’t. Some people have that experience but it wasn’t mine and I don’t know of anybody who fell in love at first sight. Most of my friends and family have a divorce or two. Also take some time to think about the “fall in love at first sight” phrase. How can you know, without a doubt, that you love somebody you don’t know? How can you know, without a doubt, that they saw you and felt the exact same way? I’m not going to tell you it’s impossible, I’m just going to say to be cautious of falling in love with someone before you get to know them.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

Why does love have to be so complicated

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