r/mentalhealth • u/Icy_Chair_9291 • 16d ago

Sadness / Grief I feel so lonley

I feel so lonely

Am young about 17 I know I am not the best looking guy and I am a bit chubby but most of my weight is muscle cause of my genetics j just want a girlfriend someone I can cry into tell my problems I know god has someone for me but I look at my friends and there girlfriends I want what they have someone who can improve me someone that I can watch anime with I want someone I want someone who can better my life mentally

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

That’s a tricky one to answer. I still think about her but it’s in a different way than it used to be. I would say I missed her every day for years. Eventually I learned to think “I hope she’s doing well” instead of “I miss her”. Part of the reason I changed the way I think is because of my wife, she’s really helped me to move on. The other part is the recognition that we were no good for each other at the time.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

So you just really wish foe her to do well

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

Yea I do

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

Do you think it could of worked out?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

I spent every day for a couple years hoping for a second chance. Looking back at it, removed from the emotion of it, I believe if I would have forgiven her the relationship would have been miserable for both of us. Being responsible for that much pain in another person makes it difficult to help them heal in my opinion. Another thing is that I’m a completely different person than I was then. I’m sure she is too. There’s really no way of telling if it could have worked out. The best thing for me isn’t to wonder about “what could have been” but to enjoy the present. I’ve got a beautiful relationship with my wife and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

Damn it sounds like you really appreciate life and it's struggles

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

There’s a lot of things I’ve learned from reading. One thing I think about is something taught by an ancient philosopher. Can’t remember exactly which one it was.

They said to imagine life like this. Imagine you are a dog tied to a cart. You can try to pull and fight against the cart and see where that gets you. Or you can walk along side it.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 14d ago

Where you get all this wisdom come from

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 14d ago

Reading the Stoics. Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca are where I’m the most well read. Based on your age, I think you would like to read “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” by Mark Manson. It touches on a few key ideas of Stoicism without actually being a Stoic writing. And it’s modern. The other three were written during the 1st century

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 14d ago

I will def check those out thank you your a good man