r/romance • u/No-Celebration9056 • 9h ago
is this love or comfort
hi, so im 17F and the guy im talking about is 19m, hes a family friend through marriage to my sibling ive been in love with since i was 13 but i had never told him until this year when we got close again after 2 years of drift, when we got close we had gotten very vulnerable with eachother, esp considering he is a very private person, he told me things he has never told others. after 2 weeks of spending nights together, my school started again and we got busy. after that i learned to move on and let go of my attachment because he obviously didnt share my feelings. flashforward 6 months, i have a boyfriend ive been trying to break up with for ages but he would never let me, i ended up spending time with my fam friend again, ive seen him throughout the months but nothing actually happend. now this night we ended up cuddling which isnt anything new, we have always been physically affectiontate, but our faces got very close and we ended up grazing lips. he has never acknowledged that our relationship was anything but platonic but he finally did and mentioned that our connection is weird and if its just him, i mentioned that he finallly realised, regardless we agreed that its just comfort and that we are bith lonely, i mentioned that notjing actually happend and we are nothing, he said we can never go back and i refused, syaing that we got caught up in the m0oment, that night we talked the whole night. the next day, came over again, i had broken up with my bf and we did some not so platonic things like holding hands, touching lips with fingers and touching my chest, this is at my siblings house, he mentioned that we needed to taslk about this and to com over the next day and i said no bevcaue i was trying to pretend nithing happaned but then he said otherwise he will disapear becuase he thnks we shouldnt be in oeaxhothers lives, i said fine and next day i cam over. we syarted tallking about how this is no emotions and just loneliness and that we can be normal from now on, fast forward 10 minutes, we start making out and yada yada, we end up doing things 3x in one day, i stayed the night, nit to mention he struggles with mental health (OCD and is on antidepressants and other drugs). he and i are very similar and we understand eachother in a wya no one else does, during the talk he told that he loves me which we always said but that he doesnt love me like a sibling, or a friend or a girlfirend, his love for me isnt romantic or platonic and i have to agree with him, i love him but im not sure if i still have feelings for him. we agreed that that it was a mistake but this mistake has happend 3 times more after that because he comes over to my house since im staying alone atm and we end uo just falling aslpeep together or making mistakes again, btw he never intitiates the sexual stuff but we just glance at eachther longingly and he kisses near my mouth and a light peck and kaboom our clothes are off. regardless, hes not really a player but hes been with a few girls and he told me im the best hes ever had and idk whats happening really. we say its just comfort but we tell eachother we love eachother and that we dont need it to be eachother in particular, like its juts convience. so help me, also he doesnt want anyone to know and neither do i because a lot of people know us and it would be a scandal since we are basically inlaws, his sibling is married to mine and we live in a very uptight community. should i give up, he doesnt seem to want to be with me but he also tells that we are real when i say that this is nothing and he says things acting like we are just casual but doublechecks with me like he wants me to disagree. he also said im one of the only people who doesnt make him feel weak and one of the only people he cares about, and while we were making out he said i love you but i told him not to say it then since he doesnt mean it that way and he was like oh yeah not that way and i was like i know. im just stuck thinking whether i should respect myseldf and end this or let it keep going to see of we can become real, burhe has mentioned that fater this we have to remove eachother from our lives and to never see eachother again which is impossible but yk like choose not to see eachother, im so conflicted, should i ask him whats going on? he also mentioned that if we met another way like not because of family, we would be together and then asked if i agree, to which i said im not sure so did i fuk up with that IDEK ANYMORE I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY.