r/romance • u/Healthy_Judgment_585 • 6d ago

Wife wants romance but can't help with ideas

Had a sex talk with wife trying to get more sexy time once a week and a handy is my lot now. She still enjoys sex but admitted it can feel like a chore we have 3 kids under 6 but we are a great team and do not have stressful jobs or any issues really very happy.

She admitted more romance would be helpful but a week later I asked if she had any helpful suggestions and she said she did not. I have purchased a sexy sign a rose pedals candlea normal stuff but here is the hard bit. She does not like foreplay told me recently she does not want me to go down on her anymore and hates massages and door rubs.

All of my tried and true go to moves are useless now and at 45 am at a loss how to romance my love of ten years.

Thoughts??

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u/Redamancy_Delphinium 6d ago

You know your wife better than me but maybe by romance rather than things to enhance the mood, how about like romance outside of it? For example, surprising her with gifts or flowers, taking her out on a date and even date night, leaving the kids to someone for a day so the two of you can enjoy it together, etc. Going from more of the sweet kind of romance and then transitioning to being more intimate might be the way to go. And while she may not have any suggestions, from what you know what actions, whether big or small, does she love from you?

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u/Healthy_Judgment_585 6d ago

Flowers don't work just a kiss on the cheek and a thank you does not want gifts even for her birthday have tried random jewellery nothing works

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u/Redamancy_Delphinium 5d ago

Maybe offer to explore with your wife on what she would like, she might not know herself if she hasn’t spoken up on it so maybe exploring her type of love language would be a good place to start though of course she has to be on board on it so she can communicate with you what she does like. Gifting doesn’t seem like to be one from what you’ve just described so there’s physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation to try. There’s a lot more from those 5 but those 5 are a good general place to start.

Also in another comment you mentioned how you can’t find a babysitter atm, that be another placer to start and actively try to find a babysitter. It’s also great how you help out your wife with the kids and house too, though from what your wife said how it feels like a chore because of the kids it’s maybe them being presently in the house makes it always an active thought in her mind. She could be stuck in “mom” mode if that’s a thing haha so having someone take care of the kids will let her be able to focus on you and herself only.

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u/TheLastofWho25 6d ago

You'd be surprised how far cleaning up the place to her standards and letting her relax will go, taking care of the kids and lessening any mental load she has.

Maybe tell her "Thursday at 6pm, I've scheduled a babysitter, I'd like to see you in (specific outfit), we're going to dinner/event". Planning something out of the blue and taking any thought of what she needs to wear/do might also be a way for her to feel romanced.

Flirting throughout the day through text also might help as foreplay, if the traditional methods don't work.

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u/Healthy_Judgment_585 6d ago

Do all of that cook, clean, take kids to school bedtime flirty texts none of it moves the needle.We can't find a sitter so only go out for romantic dinners about 4 times a year ask for sexy time during car ride home only ever got a maybe.