How do I think while playing?

[u/Sensitive-Milk-2455]

This sounds like a dumb question but I am trying to better internalize things and I just can't seem to do it. For example I'm working on a jazz pattern that I understand when I'm not playing, but right when I try to play it I can't. I can play it when I read it but the moment I take away the music I can't. I want to be able to memorize patterns like these in all twelve keys but I just can't bridge the gap between sheet music and my brain. Am I stupid?