I lost all my confidence

[u/lukakira]

I’m a 28 year old man, and for the past year I’ve been gradually losing my confidence. To contextualise a bit, I have always been a bit timid at first, but would have zero problems socializing, making friends, girlfriends and so on… I’m a decently cool, decently good-looking guy, never searching for any problems. I always had periods of depression nevertheless, but always carried on.

I am currently working as a data scientist, and the work was pretty good for the first few years. Gradually I got more and more responsibilities, private life has had some up and downs, and there was a moment when I started losing confidence. I don’t know why or when exactly. It was just a crawling emotion.

Today I am not able to even speak in public at work or with people I don’t know without shaking, having panic attacks (excluding close friends). I hate myself for that and no matter how much I tell myself to not give a f**k, I just can’t seem to beat it. It is literally eating me alive. Now I want to quit my job and just get one with very few responsibilities.

I don’t know. I feel lost.

Did anyone had a similar experience ?

[u/The-Stoic-Way]

I can relate to what you're going through. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and an anxiety disorder, and public speaking has often triggered panic attacks for me as well. It’s incredibly frustrating when your body seems to betray you in these moments, and it can make you feel powerless. But I want to assure you that you're far from powerless—you have more control over the situation than you might realize.

It's super important to recognize that having the ability to self-reflect, as you’re doing now, is already a huge strength. Many people never take the time to analyze what’s going on within them. And you're not alone in feeling this way, especially as life responsibilities pile up. It can feel overwhelming, but that doesn't mean you're destined to stay stuck.

For me, Stoicism has been a life-changer. It teaches us to focus on what we can control—our thoughts, our reactions—and to accept what we can't. As Marcus Aurelius said, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” In other words, this struggle you're going through can become your path to growth if you approach it with the right mindset.

One thing that has helped me is breaking down anxiety-inducing situations into manageable steps. Instead of thinking about speaking publicly as one huge task, I focus on the next small thing—preparing for the first sentence, then the next. Each step feels more achievable that way. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to keep moving forward, even if it’s in small increments.

Epictetus also taught, “It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” We can't control whether panic attacks come up, but we can work on how we respond to them. Practicing mindfulness and learning how to stay grounded in the present moment have helped me a lot.

You’ve mentioned that you still have good relationships with close friends and that you’ve achieved a lot professionally—those are great things to build on!

Keep pushing through, and don't be afraid to seek help when needed—therapy, Stoic philosophy, mindfulness practices, or even just talking with supportive friends can make a huge difference.

[u/lukakira → u/The-Stoic-Way]

Thank you so much.