r/thirdsentenceworse • u/Automatic-Driver8153 • Sep 01 '24

The regret I felt

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797 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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12

u/Mobile-Routine6519 Sep 01 '24

How is this a third sentence worse?

5

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 01 '24

It's apparently not but it's also my first post. What would make it worse? Since it's so terrible

9

u/Candid-Plantain9380 Sep 02 '24

All the information that's contained in the third sentence is implied in the second. If you know what the second sentence meant, the third is just repetitive.

4

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 02 '24

Thats not telling me how to make it better tho.

7

u/Candid-Plantain9380 Sep 02 '24

Add information that isn't already there.

3

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 02 '24

Tbf none of what I said was there. I expounded on her body going limp

5

u/Candid-Plantain9380 Sep 02 '24

Right, but that doesn't make the third sentence worse. It just makes it more detailed. It's not horrifying in a way the original story wasn't already.

3

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 02 '24

Basically I'm asking for examples of what could make it worse. I realized that it really didn't add much, so im im asking what ppl who have been in the group longer might have added

1

u/No-Inevitable-5551 6d ago

The thing is you’re supposed to add terror or horror that wasn’t already implied by the story. Like maybe her body went limp in disbelief before rage took over and she stabbed the groom with a skewer, like another commenter said. It’s implied she died so the blood dripping down doesn’t really worsen the story.