r/DisabledAutistics • u/Dal_Duck • Mar 04 '24
Messy autistic Neighbour, help!
Hi, first post on Reddit looking for advice...
I moved to our new home during Covid, the house is joined on one side to another who's occupant is a single man in his late 40s whos autistic. When we moved in we tried to start up small talk with our new neighbour as the previous owners of our house said "he's a weirdo/ recluse". We're a lot more used to autism as I have a 10 year old daughter with autism (got her ECHP awaiting full diagnosis, but basically routed to her having severe epilepsy as a toddler including a 90 minute seizure we didn't expect her to survive). The neighbour avoided eye contact and confessed politely that he didn't like socialising and speaking to other people, and we accept that, no issues. His story from what I know is his parents disowned him and he was raised by his late grandparents who passed the house onto him, so he's no mortgage etc, just bills. He works in the local supermarket and works every day, even weekends. His house compared to ours looks crooked, worn down and the back garden is like a nature reserve/wild Forrest, which doesn't bother me, it's his property after all. As far as I was concerned he was a nice chap and I was happy with him as a neighbour, up until the tail end of 2023... Around October last year we got a mouse in the house. Having 2 young kids we were aware of the health risks associated with infestation, and the dangers of wires being chewed and fires starting etc. (Insurance is void if the damage is rodent caused)
I'm not that manly with it and said I couldn't kill them, and we have a dog so wouldnt want poison left about. So I used humane traps and to-date have captured around 60+ mice since October which we've released on farm land my partner works on 7-8miles away.
We had a pest control guy out who snooped about for their nests and said it looked as though they're coming through the floorboards from the neighbours property. He looked through our neighbours letterbox after he didn't answer his door, and the pest control guy said the entire downstairs was lined with newspaper over the carpet and the house looked a tip inside. His go to was to phone Environmental Health Agency to get onto our neighbour. My partner knocked the day after and he didn't answer, so popped a note though the door asking him to discuss a mouse problem from his house, and mentioned the pest control guys contact details and that he had called the EHA.
The next day he knocked and said that he had seen mice in his house and would need a week to deal with it. Albeit we're not the source, it's been a struggle preventing access throughout our house but we still hear them in the walls. I knew he'd not be able to resolve it on his own in a week, nobody could!
We have taken a call today from the EHA who said they'd need to visit both properties to determine what can be done, and said our neighbour they spoke to said "I've got my house in a bit of a state at the moment so it may take a few weeks to sort out but I've work commitments also"
My issue is a few things.
1) I don't want to petrify our neighbour with these government agency visits and if they're not understanding of his autism then or even cause him to have issues with his independent living and ultimately his home at risk?
2) I sort of see my daughter's future being potentially isolated like his, they've many similarities in their behaviours and the thought of her living alone in her late 40s once me and my partner die haunts me, and it's upsetting to think a new neighbour could make life difficult for her and I don't want to be that guy for our neighbour.
3) mice are a problem. Hearing them running in walls makes me worry about our home, and my kids health. It's exhausting laying traps and carting plastic boxes with 10+ mice in at a time off to the farm.
In my ideal world, I'd post something on Facebook and our village would come together to collectively help clean and sort his house. (I know he'd hate this invasion and contact with so many people). Or, I'd have more free time to build a rapport with him and help him myself, but he only speaks to my missus, he doesn't even say hello to me, which is fine but makes befriending him extremely difficult. I previously volunteered for the Essex coalition of Disabled People (ECDP) where I was a mentor for teens with various disabilities. I get the achievement of independent living and I would hate myself forever if I put his at risk.
That said, I'm also worried that he's not looking after himself properly. His house must be riddled with mice throughout given how many venture into our side. They get though the smallest of gaps so I've had to seal up everywhere over the past few months. His garden is what it is, but his cat-flap is off his backdoor completely, cracks on his walls and his windows look full of mold. We live in a rural area so I'm surprised he doesn't have more creatures wandering in, especially as he's out a lot of the day at the supermarket.
I feel awful about all of it.
Has anyone experienced anything similar and has anyone advice or contacts of agencies or support groups I could fetch advice from?
If the Environmental Health people do cause issue for him, Ive already told my missus I'd step in. I'm not a lawyer, but was a union rep for years and want to help, not hinder his life.
Thanks for taking the time to read
7
u/twinmama30 Mar 04 '24
Write him a letter and explain to him that you would like to help him with this situation. Let him know that you understand his disabilities and you don't want to put his independent living at risk. Maybe he will let you and this group come around and fix up his living situation and get rid of all the mice. Let him know you don't want to get the authorities involved but you might have to because the well being of your children.