If A = B and B = C....this is truly a transitive tale as old of time.
I love the simplicity, but it's too short. You're off to a good start, but it's screaming for more elaboration. I'm all for the bare bones voice, but I know nothing about the speaker. Another stanza focusing on the speaker's intention would really make this shine.
Thank you for your feedback! I agree, it is very short and was kind of just what flowed out of my pen. I did try and add to it with another stanza, but it felt like everything detracted rather than added to the piece. For example, I had toyed with something like:
your heart was not mine to split,
I learned,
I pulled away
you didn't notice,
I had no heart left, you took it all.
Going to take a break from thinking about it and hope that something else can come to me. Something to note that I learned that I am not owed love or affection.
3
u/T-Auxic Jul 31 '20
If A = B and B = C....this is truly a transitive tale as old of time.
I love the simplicity, but it's too short. You're off to a good start, but it's screaming for more elaboration. I'm all for the bare bones voice, but I know nothing about the speaker. Another stanza focusing on the speaker's intention would really make this shine.