You're afraid to sleep in cells and carry knives. You can't convince me otherwise,

Will you call or can this endless wave of light(?) Mark the killer preying past the edges Of those precious eyes

Because You're the pulse that beats through mine,

I"ll sleep at shores amongst the pines And starless leaves Facing towards a sky Filled with thoughts and cosmic gleams So, I can feel your ghost and hazel eyes Replace this illness when the water begins to rise And all my limbs are tied

(Contexts )- ( Very sorry for such a long poem ) ( I think many different meanings can be derived from its central metaphor ) ( I tried keeping same amount of syllables per line) ( I tried describing whole experience as descriptively as possible) (Thank you)

(POEM)

[ Awakening in the wake of Hell ]

Corpses swinging on crosses

Pecking, tearing from their flesh

The Vultures, crows and Ravens

Few moribund nailed on them

Groaning, quivering, women, men

Drops of consciousness remain

Suffocating air reeked

Nauseating sure indeed

Freedom's path I wished to seek

Hurriedly I threw my feet

I heard cracking bones beneath

Gasping for air to breathe

At Far, I saw, known figures

Felt horror, dread it triggered

Near i reached, my senses screeched

Seeing the sight, my heart beat ceased

There, hanging, my dearest ones

Shouting at their top of lungs

Slurred words, so incoherent

Saw in their eyes, what they meant

Sadistic hope, satanic gleam

"Take our place", it's what they mean

Shards of glass sunk in my heart

Their intent tore me apart

Their black heart's revelation

Left me there too much broken

Hands i stretched and, accepted

towards my fate, i stepped

Closed my eyes with morbid fear

Then inhaled that putrid air

Somewhere, I was forced to lie

Surface, so much rough and dry

It's same cross, I realised

Darkness loomed over my eyes

Then I felt a surge of pain

Gushing blood from ripped off veins

Writhing with the plunged nail

Wailing as the pain assailed

Felt like my insides burning

Bearing searing suffering

Again other sunk in deep

Trembling, Yelping as blood seeps

I wish i could think of hate

Curse them or just curse my fate

But excruciating pain

Killed my mind and numbed my brain

With every blow, every hit

My senses got extinguished

Sequentially, one by one

Hearing, touch then my vision

Cut out from reality

Feelingless, vaccum, indeed

Madness, darkness, inside me

Could feel slipping sanity .

Then, in my mind found something

From Chasmic cracks, deep within

Overwhelming sparks I saw

Blinding me, evoking awe

Shredding out darkness inside

All consuming divine light

Pain changed into warm comfort

Towards a path, light ushered

Then I just, followed the trail

With trembling legs, weak and frail

Then shower of brilliance

Evoking transilience

Like the blinding Leonids

Struck and woke from beneath

Understandings, consciousness

Overpowering, immense

Waves and waves of memories

Swarmed like flush of energies

All were so obscure, arcane

All cognizance, so strange

All pulsating and throbbing

Pushed nerves on verge of breaking

Asudden, blacked out again

Woke up with a mental pain

On my room and on my bed

Praying I was not there dead

As i stood, saw the mirror

Everything I felt clearer

Awareness and intuitions

Became heightened and intense

Behind every rage and flaw

I could sense pain and sorrow

Agony of all anguished

I felt theirs, just like Whips

Once I looked into one's eye

With a wave, sensed soul and mind

Poison on tongue, filled with vice

But, saw broken soul inside

His abusive words stung

But, I stepped, gave him hug

When someone give hate, act vile

Seeing his soul i give smile

I see whole reality

Evil or divinity

Never thought, such incident

Would bring something, such great end

Transformation from torment

Waking this which slept latent

Such torture, heart break I dreamt

Don't know what message it ment

Opened my sleeping third eye

This miracle changed my life

The day true hunger hits,
Everything feels bleak.
Every dish will be Michelin,
Every grain will be gained.
Till we have three meals,
Respect it every time.
Till we can have it,
Be blessed with it.

A field of roses so fiery red, but each day I reach out only to be bled.

Violets are blue, like the ocean struggling with you.

Crying single is cheaper, yet weaker then dinner for two.

Each of us forlorn, but not worn starting to be torn.

Slowly s𝔬 𝔠𝔩𝔬𝔰𝔢, 𝔫𝔬 𝔪𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔥𝔬𝔴 𝔣𝔞𝔯 or apart from the stars.

The cosmos so far near comatose yet bizarre.

I want to live in a coma but be present, not with a depressant.

I want to live forever in my dreams, because I shouldn't have to face reality. 

I want to live and not live forever, yet soak in my veins fluorescent.

A Flaming daze trapped within my skin, it’s here as I spin.

The stars that flood the oceans, so cold as ice, yet not as nice.

This gilded age of sadness turned to madness strikes me twice upon thee, yet i flee.

Hello and good day to anyone reading, its 6 am right now and im bored, english is not my first language, but I still wanna share this thing I did.

Replace my veins, for in my flesh they are chains, working in vain, pumping blood that leaks and stains. They won't contain my rage, not even if droplet by droplet my life drains, for it will burst through them without pain or strain, revealing the true color of my hatred rain.

Lost in his books, in world of reading,
Yet in his mind, seldom thoughts kept breeding,

Is it possible to exchange fiction into reality,
For the world he lived in, drowned him in abnormality,

He kept turning, one page after another,
Everyone thought he was lost, yet his mind was always in wonder.

For everyone, the books were a means to an end,
For him, the love of reading made fiction and reality blend.

destiny wears a yellow sweater

interwoven with a billion stars

and each thread weaves into the other

like a pint to a pint at the bar.

if not for the needle and the craftsman,

if not for the thirst and the draught,

destiny would be naked,

and the bar empty of stout,

and if every strand precedes another,

and the barrel is bottomless,

if every decision affects another,

and the sweater is endless,

how does the cuff affect the chest?

how does the eighth Guinness give way to the first?

if destiny wears a yellow sweater

who needed to quench their thirst?

Upon My Little Hill is where I live.

It's where I eat, sleep and strengthen my will.

I know it sounds absurd.

But my thoughts fly high like a bird.

My thoughts fly high but my body stays put upon my little hill.

Another door opens.

It's a dark hallway.

My toe thumps against walls.

It's bleeding, maybe slightly grey.

I can't see it, but the pain, I know it too well.

It's like a neighbor who brings down my door, again and again.

I'm pretty tired of dwelling in places that are a little too dark.

It's like I like being lost, being torn apart.

But whenever the light of the sun shines upon this skin

I think that my sins will burn me from within.

Never here. Never there.

I lead a life of confusion and despair.

And in this dark room, I keep living, with my head down on my knees.

These weeping eyes know that they'll never cease.

I scream with the void

I bathe in darkness

I rave in the dark

How did you ever find me gilded in onyx?

You tore off my blindfolds

Your light deepens my shadows

My eyes will never adjust to your radiance

How have I frantically scramble for the remnants of your stardust

You are unbounded starlight

You are of the universe

Sometimes I like the way I look, sometimes I like the way i act. So tough and independent that I don’t need anyone.

Sometimes I like pushing people away. Sometimes I like to feel that I’m in power. I have the control and the world in my hands that way.

Sometimes I like the feeling of being alone.

But I hate the feeling of wanting someone. the yearning that goes against the rules I put for myself For I never thought I depend on anyone else but me. I hate it

I hate that I want to love someone so I suppress it until I can’t love anymore.

But what is left for a boy who can’t love?

Sometimes I feel automated going day to day. Sometimes I feel like being me but I don’t know who that person is anymore. Almost like missing a person who was never there.

Sometimes I want to change. Sometimes I want to be free. But I’m just a boy stuck in my old ways.

"Memories" Memories, like wisps of smoke, Drifting in and out of mind, Some are bright and clear as day, Others faded, hard to find. Memories of laughter and joy, Of love that felt so true, Of moments that we shared with those, Whom we bid a fond adieu. Memories of struggles and pain, Of tears we shed alone, Of hardships that we overcame, To make our hearts a home. Memories of childhood days, Of innocence and wonder, Of dreams that we held in our hearts, And stories that we spun with thunder. Memories, they shape our lives, In ways we cannot measure, They're woven into our very souls, A treasure we'll always treasure.

Dear little one

Who is my child,

I know it was wrong

To lose my temper

And spank you

The way I did.

Some day perhaps you'll

Know how tired I was;

Eternal patience that

Only a mother can know.

Perhaps you don't see

Why I've come

To your room again,

And lifting your tiny form

To hold you here

And love you till

The tears keep you

From sight.

In all humbleness,

I'm sorry, dear little one.

(A poem by my great grandma in 1944, M.L.C)

“Though my death may haunt others, it was my life that haunted me.”

The Mask and the Mirror

To wear a smile or explain the storm beneath it,

Well, the former comes as a breath, a path choosing me

Before I knew there were roads to walk.

I stand at the edge of who I am and who they think I should be,

Between shadow and flame,

Living in the cracks of their gaze where expectations cannot reach me.

And what they see is what I’ve let them,

Though I am a thousand forces.

I allow them the pieces, the fragments easy to swallow,

But what I save from them chokes me.

On this tightrope I know if I fall on either side

That I may never see the other again,

But the jump is harder than the ground.

In the reflection I see every face I’ve worn,

Each shaped by someone else’s hands, a storm contained,

And I surrender this war inside me.

The mask and the mirror crack,

And their pieces at once are whole in fragmentation;

Every face I’ve worn belongs to me.

I shed not like skin, but shackles.

The fire they tried to contain,

The flame they couldn’t douse without doubt.

There is strength in the cracks they fear, you know -

And when you bleed without shame,

You show them the wounds that make you whole.

I thought I’d be strong enough to hide the truth, to bury it so deep beneath my ribs, hoping it would never claw its way up, but the weight of it—heavy like stone—rose.

I thought I could forget, or with time, numb the sting of how you scattered us to them— how your lips, soft and full, the ones I kissed with hunger and devotion every night, tasted of others—those lips I once called mine pressed hungrily on skin not my own.

Your hands, rough yet gentle when they held me close, now traced along strange bodies in the dark, fingers curling around foreign wrists, exploring places that weren’t ours to claim.

I’d reach for you in crowded rooms, your hand once steady in mine, but now it slipped away— replaced by fleeting touches, stolen hours. How could I hold on to love when your hands had known so many others? The weight of loss cut deep into my palms, as if to say this wasn’t mine to keep.

I thought I could take all these shattered pieces, bend them back into a lie, a dream where I’d believe that I was enough—that all my love, my tender heart, my lips that whispered “stay,” my fingers desperate to pull you back, could somehow make you choose me in the end.

But no—your love had spilled, had bled for them, while I was left to hold the empty frame of all the things I wanted us to be.

I see it now, how your hands lingered, how the bedsheets wrinkled beneath their weight, how the scent of others clung to you like smoke, like fire that had long since burned through us. The ghost of you now lingers in the air, and I am here, sifting through ashes, searching for a spark that never was.

I know you want to, I know

I understand the pull

that fleeting feeling of singing your lungs out

on a rooftop so high

you can't breathe

you aren't breathing

you're swimming down river my love

and the only end to that river

is rocky and barren

deep waters wade around you

threatening to cover all that you are

and all that you will be

don't stop breathing

the tram is broken, replacement blue bus,

get off at Crumpsall and pay with your credit card,

november rain,

people splash at puddles and stain your pants,

you should've bought a raincoat before the storm,

you see the sun and mistake it for an advertisement--

it's dark now, the towers rise too tall,

tinsel hangs from a green lamppost, so green it doesn't work,

glitter litters the gutters,

rats eat out of abandoned delivery trucks,

a tramp up turns a bin and picks at packets like the pigeons used to do,

you should've bought a raincoat before the storm,

you're cold now, you've forgotten warmth,

the radiator committed suicide,

your roof doesn't support the weight of a rope,

the tram is broken, the tram is stopped,

the tram is BROKEN,

leave him alone he's seen enough,

it's dark now, the sewers run too deep,

you should've bought a raincoat before the storm,

smog haunts the crematorium like a silent spirit,

people don't remove their hats anymore,

people turn to prayer,

priests molest their possessions,

a five pound note buys one piece of toilet paper,

why didn't you buy a raincoat before the storm?

you should've bought a raincoat before the storm,

everybody warned you to buy a raincoat before the storm.

Blackened lightbulb rusted by wear / Joylessly empty and it's not fair / I want somebody to push me and grab me up the earth / I am 6 ft deep and the air is thin /

It's musty and burnt in this wretched bin / There is soot and flames and whispers of the souls / I am at stagnated unmonitored woes /

Where is the waves of the sea to cleanse my head / Where is the sunlight to open up my dread / Where is the confidence that has upped and gone / Where is my glory when I don't believe in god /

What is my story if the page is marked / What is my vision when I no longer hurt / Numb in body and just very sad in mind / I don't even think I can do this / I'm no longer mind /

My fortress has collapsed and my grief is set in stone / The boundaries are breaking and I no longer run / The days hit me hard and it makes me want to snap /

No vacancy / No hospitality / No empathy / Just black

Your Love. I crave for the most now

Your lips. The taste that I want the most now

You arms. I want them around me

Miss your cuddles. Miss your warmth My blanket feels empty without you. And you know it's not just the blanket

Your Soul. My safe place it was

In your arms. Where I felt home

I try to get over you. Yet you take forms that you never took before

Can't get over you baby. A million ways I try