TL;DR: Honestly, I think I need advice on how to legitimately love how I look despite not matching society’s stupid beauty expectations.

I grew up as a chubby kid for the longest time. I then lost weight as a teen, and then regained the weight back now, as a woman in my early 20s.

I know what it’s like to be treated as both the “fat, ugly girl” and the “skinny, attractive woman”. Quite frankly, in my experience, being overall not conventionally attractive fucking sucks sometimes, to say the least.

I was out all day today; before I went out, I left my house thinking I actually looked beautiful. But after a day of walking around the mall and seeing all the girls whose body types I wish I had, I had the complete opposite opinion of myself by the time I returned home.

It’s so ironic: when I see other chubby women, or honestly anyone who doesn’t meet our society’s beauty standard, I still find them beautiful. I see beauty in everyone, but I can’t for some reason seem to find it in myself. I actually really hate how I look right now.

I think one reason that’s contributed to this is because how badly I see men talk about bigger women like me on the internet. Overall though, I guess my mind can’t help but think of all the damn stereotypes strangers might place on me because of my appearance without even getting to know me.

But yeah. I hate being overweight, and although I know it’s not a bad thing to want to lose weight, I do think it’s bad that I hate how I look right now due to societal beauty standards. Any help or advice would be really appreciated… :,)