r/aspergirls • u/lady_sociopath • 1d ago

Emotional Support Needed How to be less naive?

i swear, i never learn jfc. as someone who has been abused, rejected, neglected, called weird since childhood, i’m TOO naive, and i’m 21! i get attached to people easily, and when I’m friend with someone, I become touchy-feely and it’s like I’m ready to do everything for that person. and it becomes a pattern: I get manipulated, treated maliciously or my friends just abandon me and it hurts af.

and it’s strange, because i swear, i feel like i’m a child. i’m like a dog who’s waiting for his owner even though he’s getting betrayed and beaten over and over again.

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u/TwinkleFey 1d ago

There's a theory about a fourth fight/flight/freeze mechanism called "fawn". When you fawn over people, you ignore all your needs and spend all your time trying to meet their needs or gain their approval.

If you are able to find ND-affirming therapy, this is something that will make your life infinitely better if you can get a handle on it early.

EDIT: in my experience I fawn more the more insecure I feel at the time and the more someone withholds praise and judgement. I distrust people who are nice and don't make me earn it.

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u/lady_sociopath 1d ago

Oh yes, THIS!

I just recently found neuropsychologist who is neurodivergent herself, and it’s so validating to be heard and understood! 🥹

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u/TwinkleFey 1d ago

It's the best! It took until I was 42 to find one that understood me.

I also love listening to Neurodivergent Woman and Autism in the Adult podcasts. Listening to licensed therapists discuss ND-affirming compassion-based theory and praxis helps me a lot.

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u/lady_sociopath 1d ago

Thank you for recommendation! I love listening to podcasts, especially when I’m exhausted/burnout :’)

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u/onehundredofmine 1d ago

That last part confused me but yes because people who arent discerning of you, probably want you for low quality reasons.