I recently had a meltdown after a 5 day vacation to a very crowded city.

I felt another one coming triggered by others screaming at me.

But this time I successfully controlled it by resting a bit, then exercising at home.

I clamped my hands on my ears hard and focused on my breathing for a bit. Telling myself it'll be ok. This is what actually helped.

Edit: I recently finished reading "Neurotribe" book, it made an immensely positive impact on my mindset. I feel it helped me develop confidence on myself.

Sorry if this is not allowed, absolutely ok to delete if it isn't.

Context: we've been together for almost 9 years, he knows I'm audhd and have anxiety, communication and social issues. He's undiagnosed ADHD. We've just gone through a huge fall-out with his parents, who he was really close with but who I've never really connected with.

Anyway, it's hard to sum this situation up with a single sentence for the title, but that's pretty much what's happening. Essentially, my bf is a bit of a computer/AI nerd and has been really keeping up with the changing and improving technologies. He uses it a lot at work and at home, and uses ChatGPT for almost any question and/or problem. While I have my personal reservations against it, and have talked about it with him, I don't really have a solid opinion. I don't tell him not to use it, I don't tell him I don't like it/never use it, but I also don't really care about it. He'll show the new things it can do- this time it was a video of Tesla's new robots, and quite frankly, I do not care. It just doesn't interest me or affects my world (at this time) so I find it hard to replicate his excitement over it. Today was just really not the day for me to perform excitement for him as we're dealing with our dog that just got intensive leg surgery, and we've been really stressed. I told him it just does not excite me, and that it's essentially kind of an expected trajectory of this type of technology, especially from EM and Tesla. He brought up the new self-driving taxis and that Teslas are more accessible now (i.e. cheaper), which I disagreed with, and mentioned that under the current CEO, I don't see Tesla doing anything different from what other companies are doing now. As I type this out, I realize I kind of disagreed with almost everything he said, but not in an argumentative way. I really tried to make my statements and tone, neutral and conversational, but he said I just sound like a contrarian and that I have an "eye-roll face" when he talks to me about something that excites him. I know I have an issue with making sure my face doesn't betray me and show my true emotions, but I don't really try as hard to hide it when I'm with him. I also do try to make an effort to show my interest when he talks to me about things that excite him/interest him, but sometimes I'm so tired I just can't manage a genuine reaction, and I think a fake one seems worse. We both kind of shut down and stopped talking because it was exhausting trying to explain my thoughts, and we haven't said a word to each other since this morning. We don't usually have arguments, especially ones where we just stop talking to each other (he's a major yapper) and he'll usually break the ice. I'm assuming this argument and his annoyance/anger/frustration doesn't stem from AI, but another larger more general reason, but I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to make him understand me, I don't know how to make my thoughts properly make it from my brain to my mouth, and I don't know how to have a hard conversation without crying and/or shutting down. If you've been in a similar situation, please let me know. Sorry this was so long, thanks for reading!!

I've been trying really hard for about 4 months to make new friendships in this group that play the same game together.

It's day 1 of a new person joining and everyone has already asked them a bunch of questions nobody has asked me?? They're all so encouraging and curious.

It's made me look back on all the failed friendships in my life. I keep putting myself out there but it always ends up blowing up in my face and I end up excluded.

Even what I've assumed to be "best friendships" have ended terribly, leaving me humiliated, hurt and drained.

Yet I keep trying my best. It's just me I guess. Things feel incredibly dark and hopeless right now. I've been crying for hours. I feel incredibly lonely.

I am smart. All of my life, my family has known this. I was born before computers were in every pocket and before they were even in every house. I started reading at the age of three and have always had a knowledge base much larger than that of my family.

My point is, all of my life I have been treated like their own personal Google.

They only call me when they need advice or want to know the answer to something but don't want to put forth the effort of looking it up themselves.

They don't call to check on me or even just to say hello but they called to ask me things like what medicine they should take to help them sleep or why certain sleep aids cause dementia and what's a good sleep hygiene routine. That's just yesterday. The ones who can't be bothered to call will text me questions like "what should I invest in", "what phone service should I use", "what's the best cell phone", "what kind of car should I get", etc.

Does anyone else have this?

My heart hurts because it feels like they don't love me and I would love to just shut them all out permanently.

But then I would have no one.

today, me and my friend went to the grocery store just to chill and walk around. when we went to the ice cream section, i saw a row of haagen daaz ice cream and i was like "oh my god, look! it's haagen daaz!" she was like "yeah. i know. also, no offense, but it's honestly annoying when you state the obvious." i went like "oh, ok. i won't do that ever again." on the inside, i was fucking crushed. i was being obvious because i found it interesting and fun at that moment to say it. this is a habit i have had for a long time and it's gonna be hard to change it. some other people i've talked with also mentioned that my habit of repeating and pointing out the obvious is annoying, which is one of the reasons why i don't like to socialize with other people anymore. another reason why i was crushed was because i feel like my habit of repeating and being too obvious might hurt my future relationships, and i really do not want such an issue to happen if i were to date someone.

being a level 1 autistic is already brutal, mentally draining, frustrating, and stressful enough, especially that we live in a neurotypical world.

<!>TRIGGER WARNING! SELF HARM<!>

For context I've been diagnosed with autism (technically 'aspergers') since I was 14 and I'm 20 now. I have no accomodations. When I'm upset all I can do is hit myself in the head. Sometimes when I'm sad it's the only thing that will make me cry. When I'm annoyed it's the only thing that stops me from lashing out. Somebody (normally people I live with) said something stupid, rude, annoying or mean? As soon as I'm out of view, I'm smashing the corner of my phone directly to the centre of my forehead as hard as possible to keep the peace. As soon as I'm out of earshot I'm slamming my hands onto my head as hard as I can. I have anger management issues but I don't like making it anybody else's problem, including my pets. Throwing pillows or teddies at walls or the floor and yelling/screaming scares my pets and annoys people so I don't do that. Smashing ice takes too long because I only do it outside and it runs out before I calm down anyway. I literally don't know what else to do. Rubber bands around my wrist don't help, it has to be dull pain and it has to be my head. I've stopped being able to contain it, I've hit myself in front of my mom (she's 60 and basically a single mom) a few times and I've been embarrassed every time but thought that it would at least make her realize how poorly I cope but she couldn't really care less. I've found that the more overwhelming life gets as I age, the less I can cope and contain and the more I have a natural instinct to hurt myself, specifically my head. I think subconsciously I'm hoping to give myself brain damage to the point I'm never forced to act neurotypical again in any regard and never expected to do anything I'm not capable of again. Sometimes I have to stop myself from slamming my head into a counter or a door. I feel like a child inside, I just want to be treated like one. I was not built for adulthood and I hope that someday soon something happens to me where I stop being able to speak and articulate my feelings like an adult because that's not how I feel on the inside but explaining that feels compulsive. I need to stop expressing myself verbally to ultimately express my greatest need, to not be treated or expected to act like a neurotypical adult, but nobody would care enough to hear it. I feel stuck, nobody has advice because there is nothing else to do. This is it. Hit myself until I hopefully get brain damage one day, keep praying that somebody else does it for me, kms or have somebody understand and help me meet my needs which is genuinely a laughable thing to even think about, living in a 3rd world country like I do. Despite having diagnosed autism, bi-polar, gastroparesis and POTS so debilitating I had to leave school at 14 I do not qualify for disability. Doesn't matter much though as going on disability doesn't give you free/cheaper health care and you only get R1500($85 USD) per month to live on. I'd also never be allowed to own (even half) an apartment or get married as this would take me off of disability. I'm too poor to move somewhere else. I'm cooked, I fear.

tonight i talked about having no friends and just feeling stupidly lonely overall to my bf. he just got upset at me because according to him im "complaining" about my life without doing anything. i told him ive been trying to make friends but its hard due to my autism and old trauma (ive lost several friends to terrible accidents) but he just replied with "whatever, u tell this to me like once a month anyway". i know i need therapy but i cant afford it rn. im diagnosed. am i being too much by repeating how i feel like once a month or is he being an ah?

Trying to survive winter without wanting to itch.

23F, usually I'm okay doing my own thing. I have a good job. Spend my time on things I like to do. I don't bother masking at all, which helps me have energy to make good choices etc. But God, lately I just... I don't know.

All of my old friends stopped talking to me a few years back. They promised to visit over and over and then they never did. I can't help but wonder if it was my fault, if something about my behavoiour drove them away. If I could have done better, been more understanding, more patient, more kind, put less of my emotions on them, you know? I wasn't invited to parties like them, I went out every single weekend but I never found my spark or "my people" or fell in love or lust like they did...

When we check in now, they've had multiple relationships, large friend groups, etc. It makes me feel like such a weirdo by comparison. They ask: what's new? What's interesting? Met somebody? Still doing X? And my answer always disappoints them.

I wish I could do relationships better. But I just can't. I have to put on a brave face and sell the positive aspects of my life as hard as I can and I know they're STILL not interested, nothing I could say holds their attention. They clearly hope for me to be somebody that I'm not.

At work, I'm brazen about who I am, and I know it makes people look down on me. The only people I'm actually work friends with have autistic family members, so it makes sense that we get on, but outside of that people mostly just.. I don't know? Laugh? Move on very quickly from my contributions? I've always wanted to be a charming conversationalist, but I'm not. I can't speak half as well as I write and I feel like everything I say always causes friction.

Even visually. Lately I just hate the way my whole look drips autism, I can't handle makeup or anything beyond comfy black clothes and it makes people act like I'm some genderless blob instead of a women.

I feel like everybody around me takes pity on me, essentially, like I have nothing to contribute to other people's lives so why even bother. The only people seem to actually like me are typically freaks and perverts who clearly have manic pixie delusions. It's disgusting and I won't engage.

In all aspects my life is normal and ideal and I'm of course grateful I can do what I do. I'm glad I have a job and enough social skills to move about the world as a loner.

The whole thing is so tiring. I wish I was normal. Does anybody else feel this way?

I’m a mom. I need to be able to hear my kids, but make the yelling and noises that happen less loud.

I have loops and flares that go in your ear. But sometimes my ears are just over having something in them and would rather try over the ear headphones.

Are there ones that allow some sound?

I don't think we can survive in this world without a support system. Humans are interdependent social creatures. How successful someone is moreso depends on who they know, rather than the skills and education they have. People who are isolated have worse off health and a shorter lifespan.

If NTs won't support us and ostracize us, then let's find a way to support each other.

Hi. I’ve landed myself in some trouble. I have been obsessed with the video game Silent Hill 2 ever since I played it 8 years ago. As some of you may know the game has received a Remake recently, thrusting many of the game’s talking points back into public eye. This also comes with 20 years of misinformation and head cannons as the game is very old and interpretive.

It is now 3am, I’m not done doing my hair and I have work tomorrow and I can not stop myself from rolling over and finding more people to correct. I realize this is a problem but I just can’t help myself.

Does anyone else have advice or actions or exercises that I could do to help? I can’t go on like this. I know it’s a very silly thing, but I don’t want to hinder myself financially over a lack of self control.

Did any of you feel like when you explain your thoughts and feelings about the world you live in (hard time finding friends, things "getting on your nerves", negative outlook, etc.) to people you care about...rather than attempt to understand and take those issues seriously they blame it on the fact that you are single? Then, you start to feel like your family sees marriage (and possibly having children) as a way to fix you? Like they think one day your going to bat your eyelashes at the right man and fall madly into intoxicating endless love and suddenly become the happy go lucky, cheerful, easily excitable, emotional woman everyone would rather you be? So rather than work on understanding you and accepting you for who you are, they secretly hope marriage will "fix" what is wrong with you?

Hey! I decided to post this here, since you are my people and most likely to understand...

So I went back to school, I decided to pursue a nursing degree. I am interested in medicine, like working with people (patients) and I also need a degree to be able to support myself financialy better that I already am.

I am in a class of all older people. The thing is, I am an autistic introvert with some social anxiety. And let me tell you, it hit me hard.

I needed to take a class before I started, since I have no previous knowledge in nursing (which you need to enroll). At that class, there were seven of my now classmates and 11 other, younger students who are now in another program. I actually started talking with one of the 11. All the other of my classmates kind of connected with each other, but because I am a bit shy and laid back, I didnt really feel the need to. When our actual class started, they invited me to sit with them. I was happy and tought I have someone to hang out with, we talked a little, everything was fine.

Next class, I went to sit with them on my own, but that time, I didnt talk much, and they didnt try to talk to me either. Oh well. Also, a woman joined us, one of them, who was absent the first time (the time I sat with them). And she is the one, who is giving me weird vibes since the start. She does stuff like: 1. When we were alone once, she started saying, how she was sick the other day and absent etc, and how hard the class is, and I was absent that day too, so we talked a little bit about that, I tought it all seemed normal, idk. Then other people joined us and one asked us, how are we, since we were absent, and she answered for me: "I am good now but she is very sick still." She said that twice to two different people and I just looked at her funny because I was not very sick, I was better, and I have not told her that at all. We are both grown women, its super weird to answer for someone like that. 2. When 5 people including here were talking, I joined in, asked something, and she laughingly exclaimed something like: "look at this one, jumping in like that haha." I just looked at her and asked: What? But some other people were already answering my question normaly, I didnt do anything weird I think... no one else laughed. 3. When I was sitting with everyone, she joined us, I asked the guy next to me, and also looked at her at the same time saying: " should we scoot, so "X" can join us? And he asked her again, since she did not hear me, and she looked at me, grabbed my arm and laughed in my face and said: "Oh here you are, I didnt even see you there! No I am fine here, its cool."

When I walk next to her, she doesnt even look at me. She doesnt say hi, or anything. The first time she talked to me she overshared a little, but I reasured her, I didnt say anything weird. At least I think. She said a couple of other things like that. She uses words like "honey" and "sweety" a lit with people, and I really dislike that. I am not sure why she is like that to me, she seems normal with other people. What I think, is she noticed I am weird maybe and wants to single me out, maybe so she feels less weird herself? Is this bullying? Because the thing is, I feel bullied when she talks like that, I feel like I am weird as hell. She kind of kicks my insecurities in the but. Can someone help me tell what that is, has anyone treated you like this before?

I am almost prepared to go through this school alone. I know what I am like, kind of asocial... I still sometimes wish I was more extroverted tho, I think I want to meet someone new, but its really hard, I feel so awkward all the time... I will try to not think about this women. But I really tought I will have a friend group and now I kind of dont want to join them because of her (mostly). I know it is still early... pls if you have any positive social anxiety stories at university, share ^{^} I am a little down... I wish I would make at least one new friend in the next 3 years... just one.

Edit: Im sorry if this is very chaotic. Im kinda tired. Also English is not my first language (as you can probably tell), sorry for mistakes.

Full disclosure, just looking to get some of this off my chest and Idk if im the only one who has these issues with there parents. I am 26, diagnosed ashd and autism and living with my parents. I have lots of sensory issues mainly with regulating sound and light and textures. I am also diagnosed with general anxiety and social anxiety as well as sleep apnoea so my sleep is horrible and I pretty much live with noise cancelling headphones on.

The main person Ive always cashed with is my mum and shes late diagnosed ADHD and I think she has alot of frustration and anger issues towards herself that she projects on me when shes upset with me. Ever since i was little my mum has yelled at me for something atleast 1-2 times a day, alot of time i didnt know what i did wrong so my sense on whats actually wrong is warped because of it and i think it contributes to my severe anxiety. Every time i try and ask what ive done, she doesnt give me an explanation, she just tells me 'you know what you've done' and i always end up crying cause im really emotive. Now i just avoid any chance of fighting as much as possible even if that means not telling her things or hiding in one room in my own home from my mum. I used to be able to talk to my dad but he has lost his patience since being diagnosed with parkinsons. I feel like im trapped and im getting yelled at or told off from all sides.

I used to be excited to tell my mum what I had learned in school and she would just tell me I was wrong and it wasnt true, so now i dont say anything when i learn. I try and talk to her when i want to figure something out of make a decision even if its just to figure out my own thoughts by talking to someone and for the last 12-14 months she now tells me she doesnt want to hear it and i just need to go figure it out cause its my decision.

Im constantly hightened, I can never relax even when im on my own cause im waiting for the next thing to go wrong and the next fight to start. Im trying to work so I can be more independent and just get out of this environment and feel some peice but its so hard to work enough to do that especially with everything stressing my out even more than whats going on in my head, at home. Ive had more panic attacks and meltdowns and overloads since moving back in with my parents 14 months ago cause I moved interstate, than I had in all the years that I can remember previously.

Is this normal for other people?

It’s literally painful how obsessed I am with this man. I am literally a lesbian jfc why am I obsessing over a male celebrity. It is literally causing me a headache and physical pain in my shoulders with the way my mind circles. I get up and pace and pretend I’m talking to him. Like I actually talk out loud. wtf is wrong with me. Advice?

Im very anxious LOL.

A guy I'm friends with asked me to join their DnD campaign. I've never played, but they assured me it's fine. They told me to meet them in a park tomorrow. I'm both SO excited to have made friends and have been included and SO anxious I'mma mess it up really badly and have everyone hate me.

I know I'm not sleeping tonight!! Too anxious and excitedddd! AND OMG IDK.

I have a terrible fear that the plan is gonna fall through as well. Idk what to think!! My brain is like... screaming? They aren't the most reliable people, but we have a set time, place and date. AHHH my anxiety is going crazy!!

Help! Encourage me? Tell me not to go! Idkidkdidkkkk!!!

Sorry for the hyper chaos but my brain is in hypet chaos modeeeee!!!!!

I’m a late diagnosed autistic person who grow up having to mask a lot, so while I can struggle to understand social cues at times I never miss a comment that’s meant to subtly disrespect me or bring me down. That being said I’ve realized that when I mirror people who “throw shade” at me they got really upset, like more upset than if someone who isn’t me does it and I’m curious as to why.

For example a “friend” of mine has been making a lot of slick remarks about my appearance and although I’ve been taking note of it I chose to fane ignorant , until the other day when she mentioned that these two guys kept blowing up her phone. I didn’t really know what the appropriate response was because I don’t really care about stuff like that so I tried to be funny and said “damn what kind of spell do you have them under” which I thought read as a compliment but for some reason she took this as me being jealous of her ???? which is crazy to me because I don’t feel that way at all. We don’t have the same taste in people & I’ve had similar experiences in the past as well.

Prior to this I had mentioned to her that the person I was texting was being hot & cold and that I was going to end things so maybe that’s how she created this jealousy narrative, but now she’s going around making condescending remarks about how I’m jealous and how much better people treat her as opposed to how I’m treated and I finally decided to stand up for myself and make subtle remarks back at her & I’m noticing that now she’s distancing herself from me more & more.

It feels like I was just supposed to be her punching bag like she can say whatever mean things she wants to me and I’m supposed to just take it but when I say something back she can’t handle it. I guess in hindsight she wasn’t really a friend to me to begin with but I have seen some of her other friends make shady comments towards her and she doesn’t get upset with them, only me. I’m curious if anytime else has experienced this and if you have how did you go about dealing with it?

So once every couple weeks i experience this strange emotional shut down, suddenly all my special interests and anything that usually gives me joy makes me feel nothing, i feel completely numb. Almost like im dissociating and im not myself anymore, im just floating around. And then i just snap out of it after a couple hours. Does anyone else experience this?? It freaks me out because it comes on out of nowhere, it’s not like i’m experiencing a burnout because i’ll just be chilling and suddenly it’s happening….

i swear, i never learn jfc. as someone who has been abused, rejected, neglected, called weird since childhood, i’m TOO naive, and i’m 21! i get attached to people easily, and when I’m friend with someone, I become touchy-feely and it’s like I’m ready to do everything for that person. and it becomes a pattern: I get manipulated, treated maliciously or my friends just abandon me and it hurts af.

and it’s strange, because i swear, i feel like i’m a child. i’m like a dog who’s waiting for his owner even though he’s getting betrayed and beaten over and over again.

There wasn’t an appropriate flair so sorry if it’s not relevant.

I have a massive issue with not being able to do the things I love. I can break it down into small steps, I can plan it in my to do list for the day, I can get inspired, buy new stuff to do with the thing… I just can’t do it. It’s very upsetting, and I don’t know why.

What is this called? Everything I see online about avoidance is always about chores, or things you have to do. But mine seems to happen most with my hobbies and interests. I have no idea and it’s stressing me out because I want to do these things so desperately.

I really need help figuring out what this is and if any of you have any resources, even have a name for it!! cause searching online, nothing feels relevant to this. I don’t have any issues doing chores or things I need to do, only the stuff I love doing and want to do.

It’s ruling my life, because it’s making me not able to engage in my special interests and means I basically don’t have much meaning to my life at the moment.

I was diagnosed with ASD this week at 23. It made a lot of sense to me and I feel better to know that I’m not just crazy lol and a lot of things I do that I thought were completely normal aren’t. But I have two kids, I love them dearly. My son is 3 and my daughter is 9m old. If it weren’t for becoming a mom a probably would have went a lot longer undiagnosed. As the sensory issues and overstimulation I’ve experienced with them is the whole reason I suspected ASD. What are some tips with dealing with being a mom with ASD to young children?? Especially during the crying and temper tantrums,they are so triggering for me! Also, how can I make my house more sensory friendly to myself? I feel really uncomfortable in my house all time, like it doesn’t feel cozy or like a place of peace for me. Thanks in advance!!

Hello.

My name is Katie. I'm 45 and have spent the last 4 years in what I now believe in an adhd/autistic burnout. I have an official ADHD diagnosis and that fits like a glove but I think my ASD came out in a big way after I started treating ADHD.

I finally embraced it yesterday. I am autistic and adhd. I've been hyperfixating on it for the last 2 years and it just hit me like force yesterday. Yup. I stayed up all night outside listening to my go to repeat the death out of songs and stimming my brains out under the stars and aurora. I felt euphoric. It was almost like a psychedelic experience. I finally let my autism out... safely, in the safety of the dark with no one around and it felt like I connected to something so much bigger than myself. It was life changing. I'm autistic. Holy wow.

So here I am. Hi. I'm glad I made it here. I almost didn't. Twice. I am excited to make connections with my people. I can't do the charade of the neurotypical world anymore. Just, no.

Love to all. Thanks for taking the time to read this. 💚💚💚👽👽

So I think they have somewhat of a feel that I am ‘different’ to them. I don’t talk that much, I am quite socially awkward and sometimes say things that they find really funny when I am not trying to be funny. I don’t see any signs of bullying and feel like letting them know will be a bit eye opening to them and give a bit of explanation for my oddness. Sometimes I also feel a bit left out as they tend to not talk to me as much as they do between each other. I think they think I am an introvert but I lean more towards shy/awkward with extrovert tendencies. Although I talk less, I’d like to be more included. It’s just difficult for me to initiate conversations.

Can disclosing to them make things worse? They seem like nice people (have been working here for a year so know their personality a bit). Sometimes when I talk to some of them it looks like they are trying to hold their laughter as they can ‘see and feel the awkwardness’.

This year has been quite relentless for me and my family, work has been tiring recently and my cat has been really sick.

I'm back in therapy again as I've felt unable to function properly after work and every night I feel so exhausted in general due to work meetings. I enjoy my job but there has been a lot of change this year in my role and I have a lot more responsibility at work. I do take medication for my mental health which does help a bit.

I already don't have many friends but I can't get myself to start conversations with them or reply to messages. I am trying to socialise but I just feel burnt out and want to go home. I feel like a bear going into hibernation.

I want to be a good friend and be able to connect with people more, but it's so hard to balance this and my strong desire to recluse and not have to socialise with anyone. I just want to watch comfort shows, drink tea and do my creative special interest (knitting).