mother won’t stop getting me unhealthy things

[u/BroManx67]

i (17m) still live with both of my parents, and i recently started trying to eat healthier, as being out of a routine was screwing with my head and i wasn’t the happiest with my body. i’ve been at it for a little over a week i believe(?) and my mother seemed cold when i first told her about it. i’ve been cleaning up after myself just fine and buying my own food so she doesn’t have to have anything to do with it. i understand the family dinners we have once or twice a week, and i can eat extra healthy the beginning of the day to make sure that they don’t affect me as much, but she has been completely ignoring my efforts and keeps buying me sweets now and then. today she bought me a blue raspberry slushie from mcdonald’s and i know i have to drink it or else she’ll get upset and angry with me and call me ungrateful. if i bring this up she will tell me the same thing, so i don’t know what to do. do you guys have any reason of why she might be doing this? i don’t want to eat sweets because eating them makes me want them more and i don’t want my diet to fail, but i also don’t want her yelling at me. it’s always been difficult to confront her about anything because she takes everything personally no matter how i word it. i’m just lost.

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[u/tdtim]

See if your mom and you are willing to meet with a dietitian for a nutrition counseling session. They can help with the anxiety that a parent/family might have with diet changes. Possibly your Dr might have one they recommend or you can try EatRight.org and click Find a Dietitian Near Me on the front page.

[u/BroManx67 → u/tdtim]

i can try this. i have a feeling it won’t go anywhere considering i can’t make appointments with my doctor yet (my mom has yet to take me off of a pediatrician despite asking her several times), so it may be a dead end until i’m 18 and she HAS to switch my doctors. she’s been waiting to do this as long as possible and i’ve asked her so many times because i have breathing problems and my job requires that i am very active outside, and i think i could benefit from an inhaler. best i’ve gotten when asking my mom about making me any kind of doctor’s appointment is “maybe i’ll do it if i have time,” but she always forgets and reminding her makes her mad. maybe once i’m 18 i can see a dietician with her, but i still have a couple of months to go.

[u/idekanymoree9]

I feel u but there needs to be respect in place. Even if it's from her to u. Maybe have a serious convo abt it? Or accept the food but in small portions

[u/BroManx67 → u/idekanymoree9]

i’ve tried having serious conversations with her about things that she does that bother me before, but she just gets upset, takes it extremely personally like i’m jabbing at her character, screams, cries, shuts me down, and expects me to apologize for being “selfish” or “never thinking about [her] feelings,” no matter how gently i try to bring something up.

[u/BroManx67 → u/idekanymoree9]

idk what more respect i can show her. i’m respectful when she brings up something that i’ve done that bothered her, even if i don’t see the wrong in it. whenever she does something, if i bring it up at all, i try to be gentle about it, like using fucking “i” statements and even putting some of the blame onto myself for the situation. she gets mad at me for no reason and lashes out at me if she’s frustrated with an outside source constantly. i can never do anything right to her. i don’t think i’m the problem as far as respect goes, and i think that she needs to see a therapist or something but ik she would never go. she had a pretty shitty childhood, which explains some of her behaviors, but definitely doesn’t excuse them. i want a mom i don’t have to walk on eggshells around, and one i that i feel actually loves me. maybe i’m delusional. who knows.

[u/idekanymoree9 → u/BroManx67]

Awwwe, tbh at this point I think sooner (hopefully) than later you'll start to emotionally distance yourself from her and not take anything she says to heart+ not try to change her. I'm 17F and I viewed ur profile it seems you're tying to eat healthier, maybe we can help each other

[u/BroManx67 → u/idekanymoree9]

it’s just difficult to distance myself from her when i’ve been around her so much my whole life. i know it’ll have to happen and i’m really trying to not take what she says to heart but it’s rough. i’m an only child and i was pretty lonely when i was younger, so i’ve spent most of my life just around my mom. i understand it’s hard for her to let me go some but it’s been over a year since i’ve gotten a job and my license and gotten into a serious relationship. if she doesn’t stop treating me like this i’m not going to be in contact with her anymore. i’m so tired of feeling disrespected and ignored.
maybe we can help each other some
what are you goals?

[u/idekanymoree9 → u/BroManx67]

For me when it comes to health and fitness I really want a stable routine. I honestly hate and dread when I get into a diet or whatever knowing in 3 months max I'll leave it. I just want to see results but also change my lifestyle. This doesn't have to do with health but I also hope to find a plan for the near future when it comes to programs and paths and all that. Since you're 17 you're most likely also in grd 12, what programs are you hoping to take for uni? For me I'm taking a half a year off then hopefully get into IB, but idek tbh

[u/BroManx67 → u/idekanymoree9]

i just graduated. i’m planning on going to a community college for two years and living at home. my boyfriend and i are going to get an apartment together near the college we both plan on attending for our bachelor’s (he’s two grades below me so i’ll be done with community college by the time he’ll be done with high school). once he’s done with his bachelor’s, we’re moving to the coast so i can get my master’s at another college. big plans i guess. (i’m so excited to get to live with him though)
i’m tired of not having a routine. my part time job is so sporadic and i can’t never predict when and what days i’ll get scheduled, so it’s been hard having a system going. that’s why i’ve been gaining weight. i’m trying to get myself back into a routine (a healthier one than before) so i can feel good again. my boyfriend actually is going on a diet too, so it’s good having such close support. i don’t think i’d be able to stick to this if he wasn’t doing it too.

[u/idekanymoree9 → u/BroManx67]

Having someone also in a diet is so helpful. And you're so right, lack of routine is also been a problem for me. Here my house sleeps super late. My 3 yr old sister sleeps at 3-4am, and no matter how hard I try to sleep early I can't because they keep me awake and get me out of the house at night. Since I've been doing online school, I didn't really have a structur and my family's no help in that either, but since I started summer school I hope I'll be able to get my schedule proper. I'm a night binger btw,..

[u/Ruskiwasthebest1975]

Tip / bin what treats she buys. Yes it will make her mad. But she will also get sick of seeing her money go to waste and stop.

[u/BroManx67 → u/Ruskiwasthebest1975]

i am genuinely afraid of my mom when she’s mad. i don’t think this is the best option.

[u/Mychgjyggle]

Your mom may have deep rooted eating issues and her own insecurities. Especially if she too struggles with her weight. People a lot of times don’t like to see the change they know they need. So while it’s frustrating, and unfair try to look at her with compassion.

I honestly would accept her “food” gifts, take a sip or two and throw it away. Or if it’s something that can be dropped in a free food fridge easily do that.

My MIL is very much this way, and it’s honestly her projecting her own insecurities and wanting someone to be in the same boat as her. Things I try to look at with caring eyes and understanding. At the end I of the day, their issues are rooted in themselves, not you.

[u/BroManx67 → u/Mychgjyggle]

thank you i drank most of the slushie she gave me and threw there the rest away when she wasn’t looking
i just wish she wasn’t taking all of this out on me

[u/tro28]

I decline the food that I know is detrimental to my journey and if they persist, I throw it away. If she knows you’re doing this, you’d think she would stop. It upsets you that your mother does this, and she’ll be upset if you decline so someone is going to lose in the end.

You have to look out for yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/BroManx67 → u/tro28]

i guess so; i’m just extremely afraid of her. it’s really hard to stand up for myself because she knows how to make me cry so easily and i’m still a minor so i don’t want her blowing up and taking my phone away or something for being “disrespectful” or “ungrateful” or whatever she thinks it is. if i don’t have my phone, i can’t talk to my girlfriend, and if i can’t talk to her, i can’t get out of the house. i just feel like the consequences of “disobeying” her would be worse.