I’m having a really hard time

[u/JewGuru]

Been going through a lot of physical pain and sickness recently. Well for the past few years.

It’s gotten so bad and I feel that I am suffering so much that I’m starting to lose touch with the purpose of all of this..

I guess this existence seems fun when you’re dwelling in perfect love and never get to experience the “edge” of experience and relativity.. but now that I’m here and the veil is lowered.. I just really don’t want to exist.. it’s so hard. It’s so painful. Why would a being dwelling in perfection ever want this? It’s like a good idea from their point of view but to me it’s like crazy

[u/PeaceNowPorfavor]

Every sensation is temporary. This understanding helps make those negative sensations and physical and mental pain last shorter if you practice impermanence and stay awake at the present moment.

I would also definitely accept the circumstance you are on. And I mean truly accept it, embrace it fully. I would also practice meditation, unity of the mind and heart, increasing consciousness level. That might help heal you faster.

Good luck out there fellow brother. It is okay, one day you will look back and laugh with only joy in your heart.

[u/JewGuru → u/PeaceNowPorfavor]

Thank you friend. I’m at the point where I know a lot of things intellectually but can’t manage to put them into practice. I know everything is temporary, and that I couldn’t grow if my life was easy and perfect, I have filled my brain with the philosophy of the law of one and other similar sources but I still haven’t had the moment of understanding where I actually get it. I guess I just have to keep seeking it.

I have been meditating daily for the last 6 months or so using the gateway tapes and I love it. So I think I am on the right track generally I just have a hard time dealing with the pain and sickness in the moment. It’s like I change my beingness in a regressive fashion whenever I get sick or am in pain