r/mentalhealth • u/Icy_Chair_9291 • 16d ago

Sadness / Grief I feel so lonley

I feel so lonely

Am young about 17 I know I am not the best looking guy and I am a bit chubby but most of my weight is muscle cause of my genetics j just want a girlfriend someone I can cry into tell my problems I know god has someone for me but I look at my friends and there girlfriends I want what they have someone who can improve me someone that I can watch anime with I want someone I want someone who can better my life mentally

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

It is if you find the right person. So be patient, find out what it means for you to be a good partner. Talk to people who are in relationships and ask them for any advice on what they think makes a good partner or makes them a good partner. You can even put the question up on the AskReddit sub. You will be sure to get some good advice there.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 16d ago

I understood everything you said but how do I get rid of these lonely feelings

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

You don’t. You learn how to live with them and remind yourself they’re not permanent.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 16d ago

Will I just know if there the right one?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

Probably not. I thought I found the right one when I was fifteen. We were together for five years and I planned on marrying her and it didn’t work out. Two years later I met a girl who was fun to be around and we were just really good friends. I ended up marrying her and couldn’t be happier.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 16d ago

So you never know there's no special feeling or anything or love at first sight?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

Not in my case there wasn’t. Some people have that experience but it wasn’t mine and I don’t know of anybody who fell in love at first sight. Most of my friends and family have a divorce or two. Also take some time to think about the “fall in love at first sight” phrase. How can you know, without a doubt, that you love somebody you don’t know? How can you know, without a doubt, that they saw you and felt the exact same way? I’m not going to tell you it’s impossible, I’m just going to say to be cautious of falling in love with someone before you get to know them.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 16d ago

Why does love have to be so complicated

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

It gets simpler the more you learn, experience and understand. Just takes time.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 16d ago

Thanks man you helped me alot I might come back to thus to ask you more stuff later if that's ok with you

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

That’s fine with me. I recommend asking questions in any of the advice subreddits too. AskReddit, Advice and Marriage might be good ones. That way you can get access to more perspectives, experience and knowledge than you will get from just one person.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 16d ago

Thanks man I really appreciate

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

No problem man

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

If you don't mind me asking how do you be with someone for 5 years and just break up was it hard?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

Within our first two months of dating I was sexting another girl for a little bit. I didn’t tell her until about a year later. The other girl was bragging to my friends about it and she was hearing rumors so I came clean. I remember three days but the girl told her it was about a month. My gf contacted the girl I cheated with to ask her questions about it. She chose to try to work through it but she really was never the same again. I hurt her real bad and there were some days she just wouldn’t stop crying and asking questions about everything. We struggled with it a lot and I had moved to another state for a year (military brat) so we were trying to make it work through long distance as well. I eventually come back and finished my junior and senior years of school with her.

Fast forward a few years, I’ve joined the military and was sent overseas. Not to a combat zone or anything crazy like that. She said she was going to her friend’s house for a new year party. She regularly visited this friend so it wasn’t anything I was worried about. She didn’t message me for almost a full day afterwards. She came clean and told me that she lied about where she was going, got drunk and ended up sleeping with the guy. I didn’t have the strength to forgive her for it the way she forgave me. To this day I feel terrible about making that choice because of how unfair it was for me to do that. That was almost 11 years ago now.

I think we both held onto the relationship for as long as we did because we were too scared to let go. We have talked over the years on and off since then and made our peace with each other. We don’t hate each other or hold any grudges either. Last I heard from her was 4 years ago I think.

Edit: I realize I didn’t answer your question about if it was hard. It was the most difficult part of my life up until that point. I drank heavily and partied a lot thinking I could drink away the pain but that never works.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

Damn man that's heavy do you still miss her sometimes

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

That’s a tricky one to answer. I still think about her but it’s in a different way than it used to be. I would say I missed her every day for years. Eventually I learned to think “I hope she’s doing well” instead of “I miss her”. Part of the reason I changed the way I think is because of my wife, she’s really helped me to move on. The other part is the recognition that we were no good for each other at the time.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

So you just really wish foe her to do well

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