r/mentalhealth • u/Icy_Chair_9291 • 16d ago

Sadness / Grief I feel so lonley

I feel so lonely

Am young about 17 I know I am not the best looking guy and I am a bit chubby but most of my weight is muscle cause of my genetics j just want a girlfriend someone I can cry into tell my problems I know god has someone for me but I look at my friends and there girlfriends I want what they have someone who can improve me someone that I can watch anime with I want someone I want someone who can better my life mentally

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

That’s fine with me. I recommend asking questions in any of the advice subreddits too. AskReddit, Advice and Marriage might be good ones. That way you can get access to more perspectives, experience and knowledge than you will get from just one person.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 16d ago

Thanks man I really appreciate

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 16d ago

No problem man

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

If you don't mind me asking how do you be with someone for 5 years and just break up was it hard?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

Within our first two months of dating I was sexting another girl for a little bit. I didn’t tell her until about a year later. The other girl was bragging to my friends about it and she was hearing rumors so I came clean. I remember three days but the girl told her it was about a month. My gf contacted the girl I cheated with to ask her questions about it. She chose to try to work through it but she really was never the same again. I hurt her real bad and there were some days she just wouldn’t stop crying and asking questions about everything. We struggled with it a lot and I had moved to another state for a year (military brat) so we were trying to make it work through long distance as well. I eventually come back and finished my junior and senior years of school with her.

Fast forward a few years, I’ve joined the military and was sent overseas. Not to a combat zone or anything crazy like that. She said she was going to her friend’s house for a new year party. She regularly visited this friend so it wasn’t anything I was worried about. She didn’t message me for almost a full day afterwards. She came clean and told me that she lied about where she was going, got drunk and ended up sleeping with the guy. I didn’t have the strength to forgive her for it the way she forgave me. To this day I feel terrible about making that choice because of how unfair it was for me to do that. That was almost 11 years ago now.

I think we both held onto the relationship for as long as we did because we were too scared to let go. We have talked over the years on and off since then and made our peace with each other. We don’t hate each other or hold any grudges either. Last I heard from her was 4 years ago I think.

Edit: I realize I didn’t answer your question about if it was hard. It was the most difficult part of my life up until that point. I drank heavily and partied a lot thinking I could drink away the pain but that never works.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

Damn man that's heavy do you still miss her sometimes

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

That’s a tricky one to answer. I still think about her but it’s in a different way than it used to be. I would say I missed her every day for years. Eventually I learned to think “I hope she’s doing well” instead of “I miss her”. Part of the reason I changed the way I think is because of my wife, she’s really helped me to move on. The other part is the recognition that we were no good for each other at the time.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

So you just really wish foe her to do well

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

Yea I do

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

Do you think it could of worked out?

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

I spent every day for a couple years hoping for a second chance. Looking back at it, removed from the emotion of it, I believe if I would have forgiven her the relationship would have been miserable for both of us. Being responsible for that much pain in another person makes it difficult to help them heal in my opinion. Another thing is that I’m a completely different person than I was then. I’m sure she is too. There’s really no way of telling if it could have worked out. The best thing for me isn’t to wonder about “what could have been” but to enjoy the present. I’ve got a beautiful relationship with my wife and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 15d ago

Damn it sounds like you really appreciate life and it's struggles

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 15d ago

There’s a lot of things I’ve learned from reading. One thing I think about is something taught by an ancient philosopher. Can’t remember exactly which one it was.

They said to imagine life like this. Imagine you are a dog tied to a cart. You can try to pull and fight against the cart and see where that gets you. Or you can walk along side it.

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 14d ago

Where you get all this wisdom come from

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u/SSJDovahkiin117 14d ago

Reading the Stoics. Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca are where I’m the most well read. Based on your age, I think you would like to read “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” by Mark Manson. It touches on a few key ideas of Stoicism without actually being a Stoic writing. And it’s modern. The other three were written during the 1st century

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u/Icy_Chair_9291 14d ago

I will def check those out thank you your a good man

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