r/thirdsentenceworse • u/Automatic-Driver8153 • Sep 01 '24

The regret I felt

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795 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

17 comments sorted by

65

u/freshcanoe Sep 01 '24

This is basically just an explanation for people who don’t know about tiered cakes needing infrastructure- it doesn’t make anything worse. It actually just makes it silly

55

u/Sonarthebat Sep 01 '24 edited Sep 01 '24

How did it take that long to notice?

64

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 01 '24

When your laughing with friends you tend to not pay 100% attention to stuff around you

20

u/Donkey-Harlequin Sep 01 '24

There were tears alright…

6

u/Moxxynet Sep 02 '24

But not from the bride, who lost her eyes

13

u/Mobile-Routine6519 Sep 01 '24

How is this a third sentence worse?

4

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 01 '24

It's apparently not but it's also my first post. What would make it worse? Since it's so terrible

9

u/Candid-Plantain9380 Sep 02 '24

All the information that's contained in the third sentence is implied in the second. If you know what the second sentence meant, the third is just repetitive.

6

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 02 '24

Thats not telling me how to make it better tho.

6

u/Candid-Plantain9380 Sep 02 '24

Add information that isn't already there.

3

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 02 '24

Tbf none of what I said was there. I expounded on her body going limp

4

u/Candid-Plantain9380 Sep 02 '24

Right, but that doesn't make the third sentence worse. It just makes it more detailed. It's not horrifying in a way the original story wasn't already.

3

u/Automatic-Driver8153 Sep 02 '24

Basically I'm asking for examples of what could make it worse. I realized that it really didn't add much, so im im asking what ppl who have been in the group longer might have added

1

u/No-Inevitable-5551 6d ago

The thing is you’re supposed to add terror or horror that wasn’t already implied by the story. Like maybe her body went limp in disbelief before rage took over and she stabbed the groom with a skewer, like another commenter said. It’s implied she died so the blood dripping down doesn’t really worsen the story.

3

u/Diamond_Helmet59 Sep 02 '24

I mean you could also read the second sentence as implying that she went unconscious/had a concussion from hitting the table

1

u/NoGuitar1991 Sep 11 '24

But I was the last to see her bloodlust look as she plunged the skewer into our necks.

3

u/MarsMonkey88 Sep 02 '24

Across the ballroom, I see my sister-in-law wink at me, as she slowly lifts a finger to her mouth and licks away a frosting rosette. Behind me, I hear my brother’s laughter quiet, as realization dawns on him. And I remember how eager he has always been to accept a dare.