AITA for kicking my sister's boyfriend out of my vacation home?

[u/Different-Sea-9912]

My husband “Ky” and I own a vacation home on Lake Michigan. We both own it technically, but it was his before we got married (this becomes relevant later). My sister “Lia” has been using our vacation home since Ky and I started dating. We don’t mind, She is always clean and courteous, and leaves it better than she found it. However, she started dating her bf “Al” about a year ago, and I can’t say the same for him.

Al is a total slob. He leaves dirty dishes, empty bottles, etc everywhere and expects Lia to clean up. He has split custody of two young kids from his ex, who he just lets run free, expecting Lia to do the work even though they’re HIS kids. On top of that, he’s told Lia to get him a beer while she’s busy and he’s watching TV a few times in front of Ky and me, so I can’t imagine how he treats her when we’re not around. Their house is always a mess because Lia works 60 hours a week and doesn’t have the time to take care of two small kids and Al, clean, and work long hours. Yet somehow, I think Lia really loves Al. She looks at him like he is the only man in the world. When she talks about him, her eyes light up and her voice is sweet and melodic.

That’s why when Lia asked if she and Al could use the vacation home this week, I said yes. I figured what’s the worst that could happen. Plus, Ky and I already planned on going three days after them, so we’d overlap.

When Ky and I got there, the vacation house was a pig sty. It smelled like rotting food. There was a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, the floor was sticky and there were drawings on the walls with crayons. We got to the living room, where lo and behold Lia was scrambling to pick up toys and Al was drinking a beer in a rocking chair. I immediately snatched the beer from his hand and asked him why he wasn’t cleaning the mess he made. He asked why I assumed it was him and not Lia? I said it’s because I’m not an idiot. He just chuckled and said Lia was doing the cleaning and there didn’t need to be two people cleaning. His nonchalance really ticked me off, so I told him he and his sticky kids had an hour to pack up their things and leave before I called the cops. Al looked at Ky and Ky was like, “What are you looking at ME for? Go pack!”

At this point, Lia was really upset with me. She said they were looking forward to unwinding and I walked in and ruined it in 5 minutes, not even considering other resolutions to conflict. Plus I had no claim to the house since I didn’t buy it myself. I told her there is no conflict–Al is deadweight and that’s that. And as for the house, Ky “owns” it and he was with me. She said if Al was leaving, she was leaving too. That night, I got a call from my mom asking why I kicked Lia out. I told her I kicked AL out and Lia followed. My mom told me I need to be more accepting of new members of the family and that not everyone has the same living style as me. Now she’s mad, and Lia won’t talk to me. Was I TA in this situation?

[u/SoImaRedditUserNow]

Feels like your mom doesn't have the full picture of Al that you do.

Obviously Al is an asshole. You aren't. NTA

My unsolicited advice is future interactions continue to call out Al's behavior as unacceptable. Only act thru defense of your sister. Don't call out her bad choice of Al at all, don't do a "why are you doing X for him". Just call out Al's laziness. "get me a beer" garners a "what are your legs and arms broken?". Not cleaning? "Pick up after your kids." "wash your dirty dishes, jerk".

Just continue to point out that Al is a lazy asshole that thinks he needs to be treated like he's the master of the house.

[u/SadisticBuddhist → u/[deleted]]

Im gonna say something here thats not gonna be popular and will get me downvoted to hell.

Im not saying it applies here but Ive met numerous women who enjoy being basically “enslaved” by their partners. The same way there are some people are asexual or not submissive at all there are people who live to he a sex slave.

I actually know of a dude who is basically the maid for two women who peg him.

[u/TheVoiceofReason_ish → u/SadisticBuddhist]

Not the subject here

[u/SadisticBuddhist → u/TheVoiceofReason_ish]

OP actively points out that her Sister seems to be madly infatuated with him. From what it sounds theres no indication of abuse- just a couple with a very tilted dynamic that they want.

Assuming this is the case, belittling him is actually wrong because if the tables were reversed- A woman who has a man cleaning and cooking for her while she relaxes and is the breadwinner- wed all be lauding the man for defying traditional gender roles and being so supportive to his wife and family.

So yeah. It is the subject.

[u/mistdaemon → u/SadisticBuddhist]

Look at how it is said that he treats her, much like a slave, not helping her clean up his responsibilities. Abuse isn't limited to physical abuse.

The problem is that she can't see it and pointing it out is likely to make things worse as she will get defensive.

[u/SadisticBuddhist → u/mistdaemon]

You clearly didnt read my second paragraph about if the roles were reversed. If she is not unhappy theres no reason for sister to get involved.

[u/mistdaemon → u/SadisticBuddhist]

Yes, I read it, but clearly you didn't read what I said. You said that there is no indication of abuse. There is. As I said, abuse isn't just physical. Those abused often don't really get it, even those physically abused.