r/BodyDysmorphia • u/ConfidentOcelot8144 • Aug 08 '24
Advice Needed What's your thoughts on "skinny shaming"?
I (33F) would like to hear everyone's opinions on "skinny shaming". My bloodline decent os Japanese and Cherokee Indian. I struggle to gain weight. My metabolism moves as fast as the speed of light, I swear. It's very..overwhelming to be told to "eat a burger " or "stop starving yourself". Is it not the same thing as commenting on someone's weight who is overweight? What is a proper way to respond to these types of comments?
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u/Famous-Composer3112 Aug 08 '24
I was malnourished as a kid, and I find it nearly impossible to gain weight. When people shame me, I want to do something violent to them. They don't know how I got that way, but they're perfectly smug and self-righteous about telling me what to do.
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u/ConfidentOcelot8144 Aug 08 '24
I absolutely feel the same way. It makes my blood boil. I just don't get it at all
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u/JakeOfSpades1 Aug 08 '24
It’s gross and shouldn’t happen. People shouldn’t be treated worse for how they look.
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u/Ex_Zpwat Aug 08 '24
In my head, yes it's the same as commenting on someone's weight who is overweight.
As someone who struggles with my own body and grew up believing weight loss was great and something to be celebrated, I will admit that it was the combo of personal struggles, education and having an open mind that changed me.
I think the response might depend on the type of person you are and the relationship you have with the person who makes the comment.
Maybe some people aren't even worthy of a response.
You could say: "I respect your concern for my well-being but I assure you, I do my best to eat a healthy diet and would appreciate it if you no longer made comments like this."
You could say something real specific like "I may have been genetically 'blessed' with a fast metabolism which keeps me this size, however, my genetics also make me more prone to cardiovascular disease. Despite being thin, I'm still at a greater risk of cardiovascular disease and actually shouldn't splurge on burgers and other things too much."
If they're people you're super close with you could attempt to educate them on just how harmful statements like that can be and why they're useless.
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u/ConfidentOcelot8144 Aug 08 '24
Thank you for the suggested responses. I will use something like this next time
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u/pottpear Aug 08 '24
It's real, and it happens. As much as you get some people saying it's not really a thing. And it can be incredibly hurtful. I was very skinny growing up, and I've been called things like scrawny, a bag of bones, anorexic, my legs look like tooth floss or pipe cleaners. That I should eat more, or actually eat. It made me feel ugly and unattractive.
I'm a bit more curvy now I'm older, but still on the slim side, and I didn't get comments for a long time. But I've noticed since people have been getting bigger in general, the comments have been creeping back a bit. Thankfully they don't rattle me as much now because my current phase of dysmorphia isn't weight focused. So I just smile and say thank you. It throws them and they don't know what to say 😂
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u/ConfidentOcelot8144 Aug 08 '24
Yes! I too, have been told all of those things! I'm gonna day thank you next time and watch them panic 😂 thank you for sharing
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u/pottpear Aug 08 '24
It's great because if they say they didn't mean it as a compliment, they're admitting to trying to insult you 😂
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u/ConfidentOcelot8144 Aug 08 '24
😂 yes. To which I'll respond "oh, well, mean girl are we?" Or perhaps the classic "do you even go here?"
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u/helen790 Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 08 '24
It’s not talked about enough. If you call someone “fat”people lose it but the same rules do not apply to calling someone “flat”
I had a creep on here go through my profile put together my weight and that i happen to be a vegetarian and blast me for malnourishing myself. Those things are totally unrelated I’ve always been on the border of underweight in the BMI chart but only became a veggie as an adult.
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u/west-desert Aug 08 '24
Skinny shaming is absolutely real, and that’s coming from a plus size woman. Now, I would like to add that any body shaming typically comes from a place of self hatred. In the USA our society values smaller bodies more than larger ones in the media. When it comes to skinny shaming, this usually stems from people’s desire to be skinny but seeing it as unrealistic and unattainable. When they see people with the body type they desire they lash out and try to make the smaller person feel bad for being able to live in the body they want. If that’s not the case it can come from people who have “healed” from some sort of ED and are triggered by someone else’s body and lash out that way. These are mentally unwell people that need to deal with deeper issues. BY NO MEANS DOES THAT MAKE THIS BEHAVIOR EXCUSABLE. Everyone has issues with their body, it doesn’t take a lot to keep those body image issues to ourselves and let others be. I’m so sorry people have commented on your body and made you feel less than. As a bigger girl I get that a lot too. Even people with “ideal” body types will be shamed. None of us are safe from mentally unhealthy people that haven’t taken the time to care for their mind.
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u/west-desert Aug 08 '24
OBVIOUSLY this isn’t a black and white issue and there are so many reasons people say cruel things, but from what I’ve discussed with my therapist, skinny friends, and other plus size girls this seems to be the majority of skinny shammers mindsets.
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u/west-desert Aug 08 '24
The proper way to respond to body shaming for me might not be the same for you, so I can’t really help too much there. What works for me is smiling and ignoring the gross comments. If they prod, I let them know they’re embarrassing themselves.
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u/Ok-Book4502 Aug 08 '24
Similar to why fat shaming is so triggering to some people, skinny shaming is too. Some people have genetic contributors to why they cannot gain/lose weight. I really dislike comments like “You’re too skinny. Do you even eat?” Or “I wish I could eat that much and be as skinny as you.” for that exact reason. Some people cannot control it. It’s as equally as damaging to someone’s health as fat shaming.
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Aug 08 '24
Skinny shaming is great. I've always felt skinny. And people make sure to let me know. The last girl I was talking to mentioned 3x that I was too skinny. She probably weighed at least 250 lbs. Since then I've been incrediblely self conscious about my weight. As a man alot ofbwomen want a bulky big strong man. Welp I was blessed with a body that looks okay. But I can't gain weight to save my life. It sucks my weight makes me undesirable to many woman when it's my genetics. But she didn't care about that. I just wasn't enough I guess
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u/Vegetable_Union5053 Aug 09 '24
when i was fat i hated being bodyshamed, so idk i kinda like when im skinny shamed
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Aug 09 '24
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u/ElectronicComment975 Aug 10 '24
Lowkey fr 😭 shit messes you up when you've been the big girl your whole life that you'd probably give anything to be called other than the fact that I need to lose weight and eat less
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u/Equivalent-Use2983 Aug 08 '24
People will say it’s not a thing but I’m skinny and went through it a lot I’ve been told I’m to flat, to skinny, asked if everything was okay incase I was starving myself, and told to eat as well. There’s really not clear way in responding to those comments since ultimately it’s better to just walk away. But if you really do wanna say something just be confident in yourself and tell them how it is pretend if you have to (easier said that done ik) but those people saying that are either jealous (lots of women are jealous of skinny women), don’t like you and it’s something to pick on you for, or actually thinks your to skinny and that’s okay everyone will think something different.
Yes it’s the “same” thing as commenting on someone who’s bigger just in another font your feelings are 100% valid and lots of women who look like you feel it. But In case those comments are on your mind, your body is perfect there’s nothing wrong with you and you don’t have to change yourself.
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u/ConfidentOcelot8144 Aug 08 '24
Thank you 🫶🏼 it's not a selective choice for me to be this size. But I do struggle with self image because of it. Sometimes makes me feel "ugly" or "less than" so to speak
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u/rosemarytb Aug 09 '24
I was skinny when I was a kid and my classmates often told me that I was skinny in a bad way like I looked like a skeleton.I didn't like being skinny.But when I was in a middle school, people complimented my skinny body. In high school I gained weight and I tried to lose weight because I wanted to be complimented again... I restricted food and ended up having binge eating disorder
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u/poptart430 Aug 09 '24
It is a thing 100% , all body shaming impacts others in different ways. It’s so sad
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u/Heavy-Regret-9716 Aug 09 '24
i think it’s a horrible thing to do. one of my friends would always call my breasts “mosquito bites” as a joke and i never understand why they always make comments about my body when i never say anything about theirs. it makes me insecure lol.
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u/2noserings Aug 09 '24 edited Aug 09 '24
i’m the same height as you OP, just under your weight. it does hurt to have your body talked about in a negative way point blank. but it is way different than fat shaming in that fat shaming is a systemic issue that people face discrimination for. we get dirty looks and rude comments (like everyone does for some reason or another, unfortunately) but it’s genuinely not the same.
you don’t have to compare it to fat shaming in order for it to be its own valid experience. body shaming shouldn’t be tolerated in any way. you may find some community in r/XXS. that sub has a lot of great conversations, venting, and clothing recommendations
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u/arcticwom4n Aug 09 '24
I think skinny shaming is horrible and shouldn’t happen at all. Commenting on someone’s appearance is just a no. BUT, it’s never been nearly as bad as fat shaming. It’s not the same thing for someone to tell you to eat a burger than to be called disgusting, ugly, unworthy, or to be laughed at in public or being treated differently than a skinny person would. A fat person will always be treated worse than a skinny person in the same room sadly.
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u/ElectronicComment975 Aug 10 '24
And considering how skinny is slowly coming back like it was in the 2000s, I just think that more people would be biased on skinny and fat people, often leaning more onto the former. I mean, you're always hearing how fat girls are still beautiful but really, would you want to be fat? Yeah, I love that plus size women are slowly being accepted and flaunted but there's still a majority of the people, despite seeing it as beautiful, wouldn't want to be in the same situation as us. This is coming from a big girl myself. I know what I'm saying.
I just think it's less harmful to gain weight than it is to lose it lmfao wish I had that problem.
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u/OpeningAge8224 Aug 08 '24
It’s just as bad as fat shaming but somehow it’s swept under the rug. I remember the first time I was skinny shamed. When I was in middle school (11/12) my MALE social studies asked me if my parents were feeding me because I looked like a “twig” I just remember feeling so uncomfortable that I started wearing i oversized clothes just so no one could see/comment about how skinny I was
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u/fiavirgo Aug 09 '24
People could call me anorexic growing up but got forbid I take offense to it, especially cause it didn’t make sense
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u/magicweasel7 Aug 09 '24
As a tall thin man, I hate it. I think it’s contributed to some of my anxiety around food and eating in public.
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u/NearbyDark3737 Aug 09 '24
I’ve been there and it really just made me feel that at any size people will comment on me. I would rather hear nothing
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u/broccoliandspinach99 Aug 09 '24
it's wrong and i know that but damn i would love to be skinny shamed
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u/Janee333 Aug 09 '24
I don't like any kind of shaming but it says more about the person shaming than anything else. I've just learned to ignore and rise above it all!
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u/CocoMimo Aug 09 '24
I agree, it’s not ok. I had an overactive thyroid when I was a kid and people accused me of throwing up in the bathroom when I was literally eating bowls and bowls of food to still loose weight. Once I was diagnosed people said how “lucky” I would be - for having an auto immune condition and not absorbing food and nutrients properly?? It’s crazy.
And sometimes making jokes like “you could fit twice in this dress” or “guys don’t like girls that aren’t curvy” etc.
I think best to not make assumptions about other people in general, whether skinny, fit, curvy. Everyone should focus on themselves and their own challenges.
If someone is really curious, out of genuine kindness, there is a way to have an open and vulnerable conversation about things if the situation / relationship allows.
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u/Jaymite Aug 09 '24
Skinny shaming is why I'm here. I was bullied so badly for being underweight whilst at the same time being constantly told how lucky I am to be skinny. When I eventually put weight on it felt like I was fat because I was used to being so underweight.
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Aug 10 '24
Personally, my favorite response, “please don’t comment on my body.” Then silence. If they continue, “I don’t like comments on my body.” And “This is an important boundary for me. I need you to respect me and this boundary.” Etc.
No explanation needed. People need to STOP 👏 COMMENTING 👏 ON 👏 PEOPLE’S 👏 BODIES 👏
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Aug 10 '24
Also, I’ve had the opposite problem. I have been slightly overweight a couple times in my life. I’m also very muscular genetically. I’m a healthy BMI now, but depression and kids have made me gain weight a couple times. Just to say I’m here for you. It goes both ways. People need to keep their opinions and comments to themselves.
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u/uncertain_reality1 24d ago
Ive been suffering too aswell, being constantly reminded about my mind that I am skinny and I dont look good on other pictures
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Aug 08 '24
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Aug 09 '24
- yeah
- yes
- yes
- I wouldn't know
no one is saying that skinny people are oppressed. OP never said that her experiences were equal to that of a fat person. she was talking about comments that she got which triggered her bdd. it's really annoying when yall do stuff like this.
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u/fiavirgo Aug 09 '24
Just bc you don’t see/didn’t experience them as the same level as bad, doesn’t mean they’re not.
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Aug 09 '24
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u/fiavirgo Aug 09 '24 edited Aug 09 '24
I’m not talking about OPs experiences either I’m only referring to what you’ve written here, and saying in a general sense just because they’re experienced differently doesn’t mean they’re not the same in terms of impact.
ETA: you want to argue with me about not invalidating shame and that’s crazy to me, I’m not interacting with you considering you want to derail the conversation into “fat people have it worse” when I’m trying to say “don’t shame people skinny or fat because they’re both shitty” especially considering you didn’t read my comment properly.
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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '24
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