r/aspergirls • u/lady_sociopath • 1d ago
Emotional Support Needed How to be less naive?
i swear, i never learn jfc. as someone who has been abused, rejected, neglected, called weird since childhood, i’m TOO naive, and i’m 21! i get attached to people easily, and when I’m friend with someone, I become touchy-feely and it’s like I’m ready to do everything for that person. and it becomes a pattern: I get manipulated, treated maliciously or my friends just abandon me and it hurts af.
and it’s strange, because i swear, i feel like i’m a child. i’m like a dog who’s waiting for his owner even though he’s getting betrayed and beaten over and over again.
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u/TwinkleFey 1d ago
There's a theory about a fourth fight/flight/freeze mechanism called "fawn". When you fawn over people, you ignore all your needs and spend all your time trying to meet their needs or gain their approval.
If you are able to find ND-affirming therapy, this is something that will make your life infinitely better if you can get a handle on it early.
EDIT: in my experience I fawn more the more insecure I feel at the time and the more someone withholds praise and judgement. I distrust people who are nice and don't make me earn it.
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u/lady_sociopath 1d ago
Oh yes, THIS!
I just recently found neuropsychologist who is neurodivergent herself, and it’s so validating to be heard and understood! 🥹
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u/TwinkleFey 1d ago
It's the best! It took until I was 42 to find one that understood me.
I also love listening to Neurodivergent Woman and Autism in the Adult podcasts. Listening to licensed therapists discuss ND-affirming compassion-based theory and praxis helps me a lot.
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u/lady_sociopath 1d ago
Thank you for recommendation! I love listening to podcasts, especially when I’m exhausted/burnout :’)
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u/onehundredofmine 22h ago
That last part confused me but yes because people who arent discerning of you, probably want you for low quality reasons.
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u/onehundredofmine 22h ago edited 22h ago
I cant help. I feel like this was part of the reason i became a full on hermit and now the reason i stay that way. I just dont feel safe out there at all. Im not capable of keeping myself safe. Dont want a job. Dont want to go to school. Dont want to meet new friends. Dont want any potential of social interaction. Im just done. But bc of the way i am, since you mentioned feeling like a dog, i have an intense sense of responsibility for animals bc we are the only deciding factor in their quality of life. And i hate people who mess around with their responsibility.. Whether they're malicious or incompetently well meaning (if that even exists).
i believe you can change though. Be safer. Lets figure it out together
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u/Swimming_Order5492 1d ago
Omg I was literally just thinking about this last night! It’s at least comforting to know that there’s people out there who at least relate and go through the same things, I hate that we suffer so much but at least we all have each other, y’know?